Finding Our Way – as Parents, Kids
Post written by Kirsten Andrews on 13 March 201211 Comments
Recently I did something, as a mother, that was incredibly daring. Neighbours may consider it scandalous. Friends who know me well might raise an eyebrow. It even gave me a little lump in my stomach but I pushed on, knowing how much it meant to my eldest who had just turned six.
I let her walk four blocks to her friend’s house for a play date. Without me. Alone.
After years of walking the route again and again, she knows it better than me. I couldn’t tell you how many blue doors are between our house and theirs. How many driveways and dogs, or backyards with trampolines. But she can.
Thinking about that route, I found myself remembering how, when I was five, I was trusted to walk to and from school everyday — twice, because I went home for lunch. Why couldn’t my six-year-old make it four blocks to her friend’s?
We reviewed the essentials: phone numbers, her address, what to do in case she DID find herself lost. When I called to tell the other mom about her little adventure, there was a short period of silence on the phone. I started to think maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. “Get her to call me as soon as she gets there, OK?” I asked, hoping it would make everything sound better. “She’s walked that way 1,000 times. She knows what to do.” Seconds of silence felt like an eternity.
“We did it. Remember? I even walked to school on my own — when I was five.”
Agreement came quickly then, my last comment offering a way back into the conversation for this woman. “Yes, I guess we did.” And then I was reminded of how much we did at that age. We climbed trees so high we could see over houses, we crossed small rivers, dug out icy caves in the winter, ran through the forest and built forts. All without our parents’ knowledge or, at very least, out of their sight.
No, she could do this. And she did. The power went out in our home moments after she shouted a brave, “Bye mom!” and slammed the front door. I waited about 10 minutes before I picked up the phone and tried to call her friend’s house. But it was dead.
Ah, life will always throw you a curveball when you least expect it. I waited another five minutes before piling my youngest in the van and cruised through the neighbourhood. She was there. She was fine. And she had the biggest smile on her face.
“Guess what I did, mom?!”
“Tell me,” I said with a big grin.
“I walked here all on my own!”
It was like she had learned to walk, ride her two-wheeler, and jump off the diving into the deep end all at once. I wouldn’t take that away from her for anything.
Kirsten Andrews offers Simplicity Parenting courses throughout the Sea to Sky Corridor. For more information visit www.SeaToSkySimplicityParenting.com or email her at kirsten@seatoskysimplicityparenting.com
love this post! our culture has gotten to be so overprotective and it is depriving our children of wonderful experiences. thank you!
What a lovely post. It is a real pull on the heart strings when they first want to go it alone. We want to hold them close yet we know we must let them go. Well done you.
This is so heartwarming and heartbreaking all at once. Much like parenting.
A wonderful accomplishment for you both. Sad to know why we have become so overprotective!
Thank you for posting
I don’t think that I could do it. Might five houses down (or as many that still allow you to see when they arrive) be a nice compromise for less-brave parents of children the same age?
It’s such a complicated dance, being there for our kids, but not so much that we hinder them. I wonder sometimes if there really is more to fear now, or if we just hear more about what we are told we should fear (by the media). I think the biggest fear is just that they’ll stop needing us! (Mine at least!)
I think what ever you can be comfortable with as a mom and still encourage independence in your child is a good place to start – we all have to begin somewhere!
Love this. I’m no helicopter mom–but it’s nerve-wracking when they suddenly make the transition from preschooler to almost-tween and start needing, really needing, that independence. The Maiden (5) and I worked out a deal where she is allowed to bike back and forth on the sidewalk in front of our house. Of course the sidewalk goes around the side, where there are no windows, so I was a bit leery at first, but she’s quite good about checking in every so often. I was raised in an extremely strict and overprotective environment and I know a bit of responsibility and trust can go a long way! Great post!
Beautiful
I wish more parents will read it and dare.
I often let my son go. Off into the woods, walking to the store by himself, to a friends house. And I always, when I hesitate ask myself, just as you did; what did I get to do when I was his age? I believe it is essential for our children to feel free and independent, and at the same time know we´ll be right behind them with love and support. Brave mums create brave children! Well done!
I love this post. I allow my six and seven year old to play outside by themselves and walk to and from the bus stop by themselves. I think it is important. In 10 years they will be driving. They should be able to spend 10 minutes alone now. Each year they should get more freedom.
When I was their age I got off the school bus with my brother and we were home for about 20 minutes by ourselves until my mom got home.
As the summer approaches, I am looking into walkie talkies for them. I don’t let them go far but for the times when I can’t see them I will know that they could be reached if necessary.
So good for you! Kids deserve the chance to play (or in your case walk) unsupervised.
Thank you for sharing this! It brought tears to my eyes especially as I envisioned your daughter saying “I walked here all on my own!” How FANTASTIC! It’s true that we tend to overprotect our children in today’s society (as is necessary at times) but it’s also true that we walked to and from school everyday as young as 5 years old. What a glorious gift you gave your daughter!
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