simplicity parenting

the power of less

Soul Fever: Symptoms and Treatments in the Marotz House

At the beginning of August, we had a great blog post by Tammy Sanders on ‘Soul Fever’. When first introduced to the concept in Simplicity Parenting, I had a hard time ‘diagnosing’ it in my own child. She sometimes seemed ’soul fevered’ all the time- -how was I to know what needed extra love and what to ignore as simple toddler whining? However, as I’ve been implementing SP values in our lives, I have been weeding out a bunch of external stressors (media, adult information, inconsistencies in our daily rhythm). This has given us a calmer baseline and makes it easier to identify ‘true’ soul fever when it strikes.

Symptoms as they present themselves in my child (almost 3) are irritability, resistance to transitions, whining, and mood swings. This summer her trigger has been the absence of a parent (my husband travels for work once in a while). I’m expecting a bit of it to hit after preschool starts up, just because of the change in schedule. I’m expecting a bunch of it to hit after the birth of her baby brother in December.

So far the successful ‘treatments’ entail ‘in house suspension’ (where we suspend all ‘extra-curricular’ activity, staying within a block radius of home). During our ‘in house suspension’ time, we focus on baking, playing outside, napping and drinking extra water (dehydration definitely has a part to play).

By toning down a few days (even if it means cutting out a grocery run and having to ration our milk to last another 24 hours), I am able to be fully present with Alex when she’s having some tough times. I am hoping by establishing this rhythm (and respect) for soul fever, it will be easier to diagnose and treat as she grows and encounters more stresses in her daily life.

“Sometimes a child who is “off their game” does not need pampering so much as a quiet assurance of our presence and availability.” ~Kim John Payne

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1 Comment by Raelee Peirce on September 2, 2010
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Back to School Rituals

A friend of mine recently posted on her facebook status that she had “completed her back to school chores”.  While I smirked at her tongue-in-cheek comment, I also felt sad that she has a negative view of this time of the year.  I think the best yearly ritual (honestly, it ranks right up there with Christmas for me) is back-to-school shopping and organizing.  My mother was only too happy that I felt that way.  As soon as I had my driver’s license in hand I was in charge of bringing my younger brother and sister out ever August to pick the perfect notebooks, pens, pencils and uniforms.

Every year we’d come home from the store with our new supplies, spread them out on the kitchen table and start labeling them with a brand new jet black Sharpie.  We’d rip the thin plastic wrap off of our packs of freshly-milled paper and put it into our three ring notebooks.  Maybe I’m just a bit obsessive-compusive when it comes to organizing, but the other crucial part of this ritual was crossing off items from the school’s supply list.  My sister and I would pack and repack our backpacks, making sure everything was perfectly aligned (I have to confess that I don’t remember my brother getting super-pumped about his backpack….he was more of a ‘pen’ guy).  The signal that school was finally, really about to start was the ‘back to school’ photograph that my mom would religiously insist on.  Before we got on the bus or in the car for the first day of school, we lined up on the front porch to pose.  It was a comfortable and predictable way to transition from a loosely flowing summer to the structure of school– if we were returning to elementary school, making the shift to junior high or starting a whole new chapter of our lives in high school, the ritual was always the same.

Alexandra doesn’t have too much to get ready for her first year in Waldorf mixed-age kindergarten, but we’ve made a big deal of picking out a new raincoat (pink), rainboots (pink), indoor shoes (guess what color) and a neat little cardboard photo box to store her extra clothing in at school.  In Minnesota we don’t start school until after Labor Day, so we have a few more weeks of sweet low-key summer before setting everything out on the table and fastidiously labeling all of her items.  I can guess that I might shed a little bittersweet tear when I pose her on our front porch to document that first day and set our own back-to-school ritual in place.

Amy Marotz holds her B.A. Degrees in English and Studio Art from St. Olaf College and her M.A. in Education from Bethel University. After teaching middle school English and Art for several years, she is now enjoying life as a stay-at-home teacher of one. In February of 2010 she discovered Simplicity Parenting while taking a Waldorf parent-toddler class, and has been hooked ever since. Visit her blog at What’s Happening In Alex’s World.

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1 Comment by Raelee Peirce on August 28, 2010
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Baby Bunny’s Bedtime Routine

When Bunny was about a month old, we decided that we would eventually like to have a bedtime routine/rhythm ( I like to plan ahead as much as possible to avoid last minute, stress filled decision making). I got so into the idea of a nice, relaxing, bedtime rhythm, that we ended up starting it just a few days later. It goes something like this:

1. Mama nurses Bunny if she is at all hungry.

2. Daddy takes Bunny while Mama runs a warm bath with lavender oil, sets out pajamas, lights candles, and other night time things.

3. Mama gets in the the tub and takes a quick bath.

4. Daddy brings Bunny to Mama and Bunny takes a bath and playes in the water.

5. Daddy takes Bunny and dries her off and diapers her while Mama gets dressed and ready for bed.

6. Mama takes Bunny and lotions, dresses, and nurses her (while humming or singing lullabies).

7. Mama and Bunny nurse and snuggle until Bunny goes to sleep (this can take anywhere from five minutes to 20 minutes and sometimes even longer if she isn’t very tired).

8. Once Bunny is sound asleep, Mama moves her to her little bed next to Mama’s and Daddy’s bed.

Our rhythm usually starts at about 8:00pm (earlier or later depending when Bunny got up from her last nap) and ends whenever she falls asleep, which is about 8:30pm or 8:45pm. I use this time to connect with her, to get back to the way we started. I love to just hold her and watch her fall asleep after a long hard day. Our bedtime rhythm is one of my favorite things about our day.

P.S. We plan to add a lullaby CD to our rhythm soon because Bunny loves music so much.

Blogger, Hannah is a 20 year old wife, mama and daycare provider striving to give her children an enchanted childhood like the one her mama gave her.  Visit her blog at http://likemamalikedaughter.blogspot.com
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1 Comment by Raelee Peirce on August 27, 2010
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Getting Back to the Rhythm of School-Life

With only one more day of summer, I can feel the anticipation of school time in the air of our home.  I have an excited second grader and kindergartner.

To get ready we have purchased a few new clothing items, a new pair of indoor and outdoor shoes, and sturdy lunchboxes that will not torment  me this year with lots of plastic lids to find and plastic interiors to disinfect and the hope that I will have them for as many years as I can get out of them!

I spent today putting together a new chore chart using one of my daughter’s water color paintings as my canvas.  My children are 8 and 4.5 and these are their daily chores:

Morning
make bed
brush teeth
get dressed
tidy room
brush hair
family prayers
breakfast
take dishes to sink
get lunch & school items together

Afternoon
put school items away
clean out lunch box
snack
take dishes to sink
feed the cat

Evening
set & help clear the table
put dishwasher utensils in drawer
bathe
get into pajamas
brush teeth
family prayers

Weekly Chores
put dirty laundry in the washer (Monday – 4.5 yo & Wednesday – 8 yo)
clean glass & mirrors (Thursday – 8 yo)
dust (Tuesdays)
put sheets in washer (Fridays – 8 yo)
help bring in groceries (Sundays)

It may sound like a lot, but most of these things the children do already.  Putting it down in a chart has made it fun for them to see how much they accomplish each day and week.  I’ve laminated the chart so they can use a wipe-off marker to check off their tasks as they accomplish them.

The chart is also helpful for me because it lists the laundry days, dusting/vacuuming day, and bathroom cleaning day.  Having a cleaning task each day makes keeping up the house so much easier and the children are part of keeping it all together.  Our chore chart has helped us become more of a team.

The other challenge I’ve hoped to solve for this school year is keeping on track with healthy meals.  As Kim Payne suggests, we’re simplifying that by designating a weekly meal plan.  I created one for us for breakfast, lunch, and dinner so that grocery shopping and preparing and cooking is a less daunting task.

During the week we will have the same morning breakfast – steel cut oats with cinnamon & agave and a fruit smoothie.  Every Sunday night I will be baking bran banana muffins for my daughter’s school snack.

Weekly lunch schedule
Mondays – PB&J
Tuesdays – Apples w/nut butter
Wednesdays – Lentils & Rice
Thursdays- Hummus & Pita
Fridays – Veggie sushi rolls

Weekly Dinner Menu
Mondays – Mexican
Tuesdays – Soup & homemade bread
Wednesdays – Stir-Fry
Thursdays – Beans & Rice
Fridays – Family Eats Out

I’m feeling a lot more organized this school year with our new systems in place.  I find that the consistency of the chores and meals brings out a lot more cooperation in the children.  We can spend our days taking care of our home, nourishing our bodies, and enjoying each other rather than compromising and negotiating tasks and food.

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3 Comments by Raelee Peirce on August 22, 2010
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Managing Back to School Madness

Chelsea Gladden at Breezy Mama blog recently asked Simplicity Parenting to answer some tough back-to-school questions.  Here’s the start of the interview and you can just click on the link that follows to read the full article.  Thanks Breezy Mama for seeing Simplicity Parenting as an expert to turn to for your parenting concerns!

Back when my first daughter was a baby and I was having a rough day, I would soothe myself with the fact that she would one day be in school and I would get a “break.” Little did I know just how fast paced life can get once that first morning bell rings. Breezy Mama turned to Davina Muse, Licensed Counselor and Training & Certification Coordinator for Simplicity Parenting for advice on managing homework, sports, after school activities and the general madness that the end of summer vacay can mean.

Breezy Mama: I’m getting scared for school to start. Here comes the homework, the sports, other after school activities and volunteering. Any advice on how to manage it all?

Simplicity Parenting: It is scary to face the oncoming busyness after weeks of vacation time! How to stay in charge of all these possibilities,  so they don’t become overwhelming, stressful, and standing in the way of calm and connection in your family?

One thing that parents who are simplifying are finding helpful is to sit down and look at your weekly schedule as school starts. Is there a good balance between down-time, calming, soothing activities, and stimulating ones? How much additional instruction do your kids really need? What are your values as a parent that will help to guide you as you make these decisions? Are you willing to DO less and BE more?

Continue to Read the Full Article at Breezy Mama!

Chelsea Gladden is one of the founders of Breezy Mama.  Breezy Mama is for those women who feel that motherhood doesn’t define them. They love being a mom but have no problem admitting it’s hard. They put their best foot forward to make life raising kids mutually enjoyable. It’s not about sacrificing for the kids, but doing things everyone enjoys together. The Breezy Mama breaks the mold on what it means when one becomes “a mom.” She is smart, sassy and fun.
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No Comments by Raelee Peirce on August 19, 2010
filed in Simple Schedule
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My Struggle With Scheduling

As an admittedly ‘Type A’ person who thrives on schedules & structure, I fell into the parenting trap of overscheduling. We live in the Twin Cities, and there were just too many great ‘opportunities’ for my child to participate in! Over the past 2 years, Alexandra has participated in music classes (both Kindermusic and church-based), Early Childhood Family Education, Baby Sign Language, Swimming, Gymnastics, Bible School, Ballet, Yoga,Library Story Times, an organized mall-walking fitness program, local MOMS Club International events, and Waldorf Parent-Tot classes. While each of these programs is wonderful by iteslf, the combination soon grew to be too much! We rarely had an ‘unscheduled’ day in the week, and sometimes were even double-booked!

How did I get into this conundrum? With Alex’s birth, and my transition into stay-at-home motherhood I was worried that I would be bored at home. I know that keeping myself busy would keep me active and help me form connections in the community. I never stopped to consider the negative impact of never being at home. It was an act of selfishness that I only now can look back and recognize!

Our major problems presented themselves in the nap department. I was operating under the assumption that a busy kid would be super tired and take great naps! Wrong…her schedule was so full that I think she couldn’t settle down and sleep while her mind was still reeling from all those experiences crammed into a short amount of time.

Since studying Simplicity Parenting, we’ve been trying to fine-tune our extra-curricular schedule. It was my intention to have a completely FREE schedule this summer, but that was unrealistic. Alexandra likes having something ’special’ to look forward to each week (when you attend a different class everyday, the novelty wears off very early). We settled on two days of summer classes– creative dance and gymnastics. Alex is back to her daily naps, and our days are much less hectic. It helps to keep in mind that she has the rest of her life to experiment and participate in a variety of activities– we don’t need to cram it all into one semester.

We’ll cut it down to one activity this fall, as Alex will be starting preschool. I am looking forward to further simplyfying our lives!

“Too many scheduled activities may limit a child’s ability to motivate and direct themselves.” – Kim John Payne

Amy Marotz holds her B.A. Degrees in English and Studio Art from St. Olaf College and her M.A. in Education from Bethel University. After teaching middle school English and Art for several years, she is now enjoying life as a stay-at-home teacher of one. In February of 2010 she discovered Simplicity Parenting while taking a Waldorf parent-toddler class, and has been hooked ever since. Visit her blog at What’s Happening In Alex’s World.

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1 Comment by Raelee Peirce on August 17, 2010
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Filtering Out the Adult World: Talking Less

“…I don’t have to make every moment a “teaching moment,” or even a “special moment.” I can often just notice.” ~(Kim John Payne

As a former teacher, I know I often try to make ‘teachable moments’ for my daughter. I can also fill 45 minutes of dead time with a lecture on personal pronouns at the drop of a hat. While my husband is not an educator, he has a mind that grasps complex relationships easily, and is excited to pass on those skills and knowledge to Alex. This habit of ‘over-informing’ is a hard one for both of us to break, but we’re committed to it.

What do I mean by ‘over-informing?’ A few weeks ago, while the three of us were brushing our teeth in the morning, Alexandra pointed up in wonder at our toothbrushes. They were bathed in a pink light– “Mama, look– they’re pink!” My analytical husband started in on a explanation of lenses (there was a red cup in the window sill). I managed to catch his glance and shook my head before he got too far into color refraction lesson. I should note that it’s easy for me to see the problem when I’m not the one doing it, but much harder to stop myself in the middle of an explanation about the inner workings of a toilet and city sewer system (you can probably guess what question prompted that response).

Our mantra is now “is this something that will add magic to a 2 1/2 year old’s world?” Being the somewhat realist parents that we are, we try not to invent fantasy explanations that involve fairies and unicorns. Instead we rely on Alex to come up with an answer. If we stop ourselves from answering completely, instead responding with a “why do you think?”, we’ve found that she will regale us with wonderful, magical and thought-filled reasons that are so much more interesting (and preschool-applicable) than cold hard facts.

Stop Talking. Start Listening!

Amy Marotz holds her B.A. Degrees in English and Studio Art from St. Olaf College and her M.A. in Education from Bethel University. After teaching middle school English and Art for several years, she is now enjoying life as a stay-at-home teacher of one. In February of 2010 she discovered Simplicity Parenting while taking a Waldorf parent-toddler class, and has been hooked ever since. Visit her blog at What’s Happening In Alex’s World.

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2 Comments by Raelee Peirce on August 11, 2010
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Too Many Books?

I didn’t even know having too many books was a possibility… after all, I am a kindergarten teacher. Too many books is just what we do. But after reading about decluttering a child’s room, I have come to a sound conclusion. Mr. Payne just might be on to something.

My oldest is reading on grade level, but just. I have purchased tons of books in hopes of him finding something he will enjoy and actually pick up to read without prompting from me. So far… no such luck.

I went into his room recently and gathered his books that were on his headboard. I didn’t count, but a conservative guess would be more than 50. I began sorting through the books to find old favorites and new loves. I made about 8 different piles. I gathered a chunk of the books to take to school as they were no longer of interest or provided little challenge. The other pile I sorted into series or themes and placed on the top shelf in his closet.

Before placing the books in T’s closet though, I had T Man select 2 books of choice. Then, I selected 3 books at the approximate reading level he is currently on. I also selected 2 chapter books for us to read as a family. I placed these books back on his shelf and waited to see what would happen.

I won’t say he is sitting around reading all day basking in the glow of another tantalizing story. But I will say that I have caught him (when he didn’t know I was looking) flipping through some of the books and studying the illustrations.

I will take that as a great start.

Now, on to Little J’s books. Ahhhh, the simple life.

Guest Blogger, Tammy Sanders (aka Pink Fish). My blog is a small portal into my life as a mom, wife , and teacher. I am a lone pink fish in a sea of blue. I am the only girl in a house of boys. Even my dogs are male. Every once in awhile you can’t help but dream of PINK… something girly. Something other than stripes and solids. A little Pinkalicious never hurt anyone. Find me blogging at One Pink Fish.
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4 Comments by Raelee Peirce on August 10, 2010
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Filtering Out the Adult World: TV

Since March, the Marotz household has had the tv off. Before that time, however, it was a different story. Alex was obsessed with The Wizard of Oz, Cinderella, and Mulan. It embarasses me to admit that my 2 year old would watch a movie a day. It was just part of our daily routine. She’d get up from her nap and have some ‘decompression time’ on the couch. I thought that it was a good way for her to transition from naptime to playtime. Little did I know how thoroughly wrong I was. That ‘downtime’ that I was seeing was actually passive receiving– I was making it HARDER for brain to get into an active state and ready to play and create.

We cut out the tv unceremoniously, and it really wasn’t too bad. There were a couple of days of whiny ‘can I watch?’es, but as soon as I redirected her she’d be fine. I think it was harder on my husband and me not to have an easy ‘back-up’ parent. We were required to be ‘on’ full time.

Worth it? I think so. I have a much happier and more imaginative child than I did 4 months ago. She can sustain imaginative play for much longer duration and now David and I don’t have to be ‘on’ full time– she’ll find ways to entertain herself, regardless of where she is.

I’ve tested out my theory, and it’s held true. Just yesterday, a rainy ho-hum day when we’d exhausted all our playdough and art project possibilities, I thought to myself- “why don’t I put on The Wizard of Oz– she hasn’t seen it in ages. It will be such a treat!”. Patting myself on the back, I slipped the movie in the DVD player and enjoyed the contented look on my daughter’s face as she watched Dorothy and Toto traipse around Oz. Fast forward to an hour and a half later, when she was lying motionless on the couch staring at the final scene, tears already starting to well up in her eyes because she knew the show would end soon. I dealt with an anxious, irritable, inconsolable wreck for about 2 hours afterwards. She wanted the tv back on. She wanted her show again. She had a headache (go figure!). I brought her up to her room for some calming down time and she promptly fell asleep– overstimulated. Point taken.

“It is possible to say “No thanks,” to minimize the effects of screens in our homes, at least while our children are young.”
~Kim John Payne

Amy Marotz holds her B.A. Degrees in English and Studio Art from St. Olaf College and her M.A. in Education from Bethel University. After teaching middle school English and Art for several years, she is now enjoying life as a stay-at-home teacher of one. In February of 2010 she discovered Simplicity Parenting while taking a Waldorf parent-toddler class, and has been hooked ever since. Visit her blog at What’s Happening In Alex’s World.

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7 Comments by Raelee Peirce on August 4, 2010
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Soul Fever

Have you ever wondered what is wrong with your child and just not been able to put your finger on it?  He could be moody, crying, pitching fits or isolated, quiet, and withdrawn.  All you know it something just isn’t right.

Soul fever is just as real as a physical fever. For your child, it can be completely consuming.  Something is causing undo stress in your little one’s life leading to an unleashing of emotions.  Figuring out the stressor is the first step in the right direction.

While thinking about the concept of a child having a soul fever, I began to consider the beginning of each school year.  Every school year for T Man has started off  the same… aggressive behaviors, hiding under desks, crying, etc.  Saying the school year is rocky would be like saying the ocean were a mere puddle.  He is just so sad and disappointed in himself for the choices he makes.

I have expressed concern that it is something at school causing him undue stress. T just doesn’t act like this on a regular basis at home.  Even being a teacher on the campus, I still get this feeling that they don’t quite believe I am being forthcoming with his true behavior while in my care.

I am in no way saying life at home is all roses and chocolate by any means. I know my son and he definitely has his moments (as we all do), but I just do not see these behaviors (especially not to the degree they are exhibited at school).

Well, school will begin here in Texas on August 24th. That is only a couple of weeks from now.  His behavior at home has already begun to change.  It’s like he knows school is just around the corner.  I am trying to come up with a plan to lessen the stress and give him some choices as an outlet when the stress is overwhelming.

Outlets to Relieve Stress:

* worry stone:  Rubbing the smooth stone in a rhythmic manner is calming.
* meditation jar: I will be writing a post on this as soon as I have made it.
* yoga ball: Sitting on a yoga ball instead of using a traditional desk.  Hope this will get rid of some of his natural antsyness.
* hematite stone: Hematite is one of many stones known for its grounding properties.  I am considering twisting wire around the stone and having T wear it as a necklace.  Double benefit… cool jewelry that seconds as a bit of calm in any storm.
* music:  Food for the soul.  Before I clear his ipod, I want to make sure his teacher is okay with this.  My thought is to load his ipod with songs that lead to peace and solitude.  I have a feng shui CD that is wonderful.  I am thinking about 30 minutes of music to listen to as he works to keep his level of distraction down.

I am sure that I will come up with many more ideas as the school year approaches. Feel free to share any ideas you might have in the comment section.

Guest Blogger, Tammy Sanders (aka Pink Fish).  My blog is a small portal into my life as a mom, wife , and teacher. I am a lone pink fish in a sea of blue. I am the only girl in a house of boys. Even my dogs are male. Every once in awhile you can’t help but dream of PINK… something girly. Something other than stripes and solids. A little Pinkalicious never hurt anyone.  Find me blogging at One Pink Fish.
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2 Comments by Raelee Peirce on August 1, 2010
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