Welcome back to the Simplicity Parenting Podcast with me, Kim John-Payne. Oh, so glad you could join us again this week. The theme of this little episode is about looking for the good.
You know, it's so easy to catch kids at doing stuff they shouldn't. You know, well, maybe the older they get, the better they get at concealing it. But generally, it's pretty easy to catch kids at not doing so well.
But what about catching kids at being good? And what about looking for the good that they actually do? Because they so often do. But it's little things, right? So often it's just little things that they do. And, you know, one of the things that I find so normal and kind of uplifting to children is to challenge ourselves to not only just look for something good they did in the day, but then be able to notice it and just quietly be able to say to them, Oh, my goodness, that was really helpful.
Thank you. And to say it right there on the spot or later in the evening. You know, it might be with younger ones, you know, putting them to bed and saying, You know what? Earlier today when you bought all those, when you helped bring in all those groceries, that was so helpful because I was then, I didn't have to lift all those bags all on my own.
Thank you. And that's it. You know, we have to be really careful at over praising and over affirming and going too far.
It's really not needed. And if we do that, our kids start to get a bit yucked out by it. It's a bit weird.
What I'm talking about is a very simple, normal voice, normal situation. And either in the moment saying to just turning to a child and saying, Thank you, that was that was really thoughtful of you. That was helpful.
Gosh. Or just to an older, you know, to a teenager, just saying to them, Thanks for turning that down when I came in. I really appreciate it.
Yeah, it's been it's been a long day. So having a bit of quiet is really appreciated. Thanks.
And, you know, you'd might just get a little nod or whatever. It's not going to be, you know, a time for a group hug or anything. It's just in the flow.
But to be able to do it in the moment is wonderful. And as I mentioned in the evening, one of the things you can almost, I find we can almost challenge ourselves is that if we get through the day where we haven't just noticed the good that that that someone did, then I think we just haven't been looking. You know, frankly, good happens every day.
It happens all around us. And so to get to the end of the day and really reflect on it. And then if you've got younger kids or even older ones when you, you know, tween or teenagers when you're checking in with them in the evening, but to be able to just sit on the edge of their bed, no matter how old they are, and just say, you know what I was thinking about earlier today when when we got out the car and you just said, thanks.
It was really good because that was a hectic drive through the city. And just, I don't know, just you saying thanks. I appreciated it.
I did. It's no big deal. I just did.
And just that, you know, if you're talking to a 14 or 15 year old, that they didn't just get out the car, close the door and slump off inside and dump their, you know, sports bag, you know, there for you to unpack. You know, they just didn't do that. They said, thanks, Mom.
Thanks, Dad. Because it was a hectic drive and it just makes us feel good. And it makes everyone feel good.
The other thing about looking for good is that it helps us. It helps us look for it. I know that's really basic.
But if we know, if we set ourselves just a simple challenge and say, I am going to, by the end of the day today, notice one act of goodness, of kindness that my kids did. And I'm going to tell them in a very, again, just an ordinary old way. And I'm going to tell them.
Then you've got to notice it. And several parents have said to me over the years that when you've got to look for it, it actually changes the way in which as a parent, you kind of, it changes the way you move through the day. Because you're looking, you're noticing, you've challenged yourself that you are going to make this one little affirmation.
You're going to, but the affirmation is going to be about something practical. I mean, it's no harm in just saying, you know, I love you, of course. But an affirmation, a noticing of something really grounded and practical, I think that is equally, if not more, meaningful on one level.
And if we're looking for it, if we're really going out and trying to notice it, certainly I noticed this, but other parents have said to me as well, that it shifts, it kind of shifts something within you, because if you're looking for something, then often it, I can't think of another way to put this other than it creates it. It has, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy or noticing. If you're looking for the good, you'll find the good.
But I wonder if it actually creates the good as well. I don't know, I don't have the eyes to see such invisible things, but I do wonder if when we shift and we start looking for the goodness and the good and kind and just the things that our kids do for each other and for us, when we are trying to notice it, I've got a wondering whether that actually creates it. So through this week, maybe just take the time and go looking for the good.
And maybe you even want to challenge yourself further and say, by the end of the day, if I haven't noticed something that was good, something that was kind, something that was respectful, something that was considerate, if I haven't really noticed it, I'm going to sit there before bedtime and I'm going to review back through the day and I'm going to find one of those points. And especially when a day has been hard, when stuff has happened with the kids that hasn't gone so well, tired or grumpy or ending the day just with that little piece of goodness and sending our children, no matter how old they are, you know, 17 or 7, sending them off to sleep with that noticing and that simple little affirmation of the practical goodness, I can't help but think that's got to be helpful for everyone. Okay, so that's it for now.
As always, I sure hope that's helpful and good luck with looking for the good. Okay, bye-bye.
