Hello and welcome back to the Simplicity Parenting Diaries with me, Kim John Payne. This week I was speaking with a couple of parents who are just starting to work outside the home again and they were talking about the changes that that involves when you've been at home and very available and then you're not for some of the time. And a very simple, very sort of, just a basic little thing that we can do for children, tweens and teens, is to let them know that we're carrying them in our hearts all through our day.
It's not just that when we leave the door and go away in the morning that we're gone and that they feel they're out of sight and out of mind. It's very settling, loving and frankly it's a part of attachment and bonding when we can signal to our children that we are really holding them all through the day. And one of the ways to do this is when we get home in the afternoon or evening, we say to them, you know, when I was in the park today at lunchtime, I saw, and then whatever it is, I saw a little baby bird because it's just hatching out time and it so reminded me of when you were just a little, little child, just a little baby.
And I remembered those times and I remembered when, and then out can come a story of when they were little and how they behaved or a funny little thing happened and can be connected to a situation from their lives. And very often it gives a platform actually for a family story that they've heard so many times before, but you know, you're telling it again and they love to hear it. Particularly if something funny happened or something naughty or unexpected, we all know what, you know, those favorite stories are like.
But that I thought of you when. Now the other big benefit of knowing that you're going to get home and quite often tell a story that begins with, oh, today I thought of you when, is that you go through your day looking out for it. You're thinking of your child or your teenager.
And sure enough, if you're thinking about them, something almost certainly will pop up, right? It's funny how often that happens. And I think the hidden benefit of this is that when you notice something or you just see something funny, what happens is that you are genuinely carrying a child in your feelings, in your heart. And I sometimes wonder if they can sense that.
I sometimes wonder if they know that. And I think they kind of do, that our emotional re-entry back into the family is not quite as abrupt as it otherwise would have been, because somehow we've been holding and carrying a child or a teen through the day. And so when we come into the house, I think they sense it.
I think they sense that you're not coming sort of blinking into the light of family life. It's that you can just enter, at least emotionally, just that little bit smoother. And these funny little things that you notice through the day, it might not be anything particularly much.
It could be, and I thought of you when I was in the subway today, or I was on the train today, and I saw a woman with a hat that, you know, she made herself. But it was, it was amazing. And I wished I could have taken a picture of it, but I couldn't.
It wouldn't have been so great. But let me tell you about it. Now, you might be talking to a teenager at that point.
And, you know, maybe they're, and you know they're interested in fashion of some sort, or, you know, they're interested in skateboarding. And you saw a skateboard, you know, with someone walking by, a young person walking by, which was a really long skateboard, and you wondered what it was for. And so you thought of them and made a promise to yourself to remember to ask when you got home.
It's, it's, it's that kind of thing that is, is showing a child, I'm holding you. I'm, I'm, I'm thinking of you. I'm with you.
As you walk through your day, and I walk through mine, you are never far away from me. You know, you're always walking beside me, whether you're actually there or not. And that's going to be the way it is for my whole life.
Now, you don't actually have to say that necessarily, but it does signal. And it's like the, it's like the emotional connective tissue that you have between you. And as your children grow up, and they start to move out a little further, and, and they become tweenages and teenagers, and they, they, you know, are home a little bit less, and then eventually they, they grow up and move out of home completely.
We know that we're still going to be thinking of them every day and seeing funny little things that remind us of them. And we know we're going to give them a call on the weekend or let them know or just text them that evening and say, never guess what I saw today. Or, hey, I heard this retro reggae song today made me think of you.
Actually, I'm not making that one up. I did that with my daughter yesterday. And it's and she's, she's now, you know, 20 years old and is living away from home.
It's that kind of, it's that kind of, of walking with a child through the day when they're little. Can I find now that I have a one of my kids is quite grown up. The other still a teenager, but one has grown up and so on, that it helps keep that alive.
And the funny thing is, I'm noticing that they start reciprocating, they'll just see a funny little thing and send a photograph of it, or just send a little message. And, you know, because of the ubiquitous nature of cell phones, these days, I'm often receiving funny little photographs of things that one of my kids sees. And I'm pretty sure I can't be 100% sure, but I'm pretty sure it's because of all the of all the myriad times through when they were little, when they were told, I thought of you when.
So I hope that was helpful. It's a very small thing, but a kind of big thing too. Like always, don't hesitate to reach out to me via the Simplicity Parenting website if you would like to speak to me personally to, to take a closer look at some of the family life issues that might be coming up for you that are that are challenging.
It's just my favorite thing to do always is to, in this sense, walk beside a parent or parents as they go through their lives with their family. So that's it for today. I sure hope that was helpful.
Bye bye.
