Hello, and welcome back to the Simplicity Diaries with me, Kim John Payne. This week I wanted to mention something I call Screen Time Creep, and what that is all about is, I guess it's a message for parents who are trying their very, very best to limit screen time. Not easy these days at all.
I mean, there's an increasing number of parents who are going screen free completely, particularly with younger kids. But if you're a parent like many who are limiting screen time, something happens that is worth keeping an eye on, and that's that it tends to grow both in terms of time, and it also tends to become more troubling in terms of device and content, in other words, media and medium. Now, what I mean by this is that, let's say, for example, you have as many parents I've spoken to who are low screen, of course, not the no screen parents.
That's an amazing thing if you can pull that off. But the low screen parents will say things like, well, we have a Saturday night movie night. Okay, so in a sense, Pandora's box hasn't been opened wide, but there's a little crack at the edge, right? And the kids get, it's a lovely, pleasurable experience watching a movie.
You know, I get it that we can read that the children are so grateful for watching and we all, you know, snuggle up and watch a movie. But what they're also receiving is a little dose of dopamine as well, of pleasure and reward, maybe a little adrenaline, maybe a little cortisol. They're just getting a small dose of what otherwise they'd be getting a huge dose of if they were watching more and more in large amounts.
Like the average child here in the US is exposed to about nine hours of screens per day, according to the common sense media.org. You can look that up and read more about that. So if we're putting a lid on like an hour or two of screens, like a movie night, for example, then, you know, well done us in some ways, because gosh, a lot of kids are watching a whole bunch more. But nevertheless, you know, it's true that we've opened something up, we've introduced our kids to a very pleasurable experience of a screen.
And let's be honest, it's not really just about being together as a family. It's about the hormonal cocktail that watching a screen releases for a child of which they have no control over. Now there's a couple of things here is that my advice to parents who are trying to go low screen is that it's very important to consider the media as well as the medium.
Now what I mean by this is that what you're actually watching, the media, what's coming through the screen, it's really helpful if it's a slow pace, that it gives the child time to process the images. That's a big one for me, and I've talked about that in previous podcasts. Apart from being slow paced, that it has some redemptive qualities.
Now I know this is obvious, so forgive me for that, but so many movies these days have very little friendship, very little redemption, very little, you know, portraying the higher side of what it is to live these days. And so that aspect is also important. And also, I guess most importantly, that what you're putting on in that DVD or whatever it is you're showing, that crucially it lines up with your family values.
That you're not going to sit there and squirm a little bit because it's, you know, for example, if you have a family value of kindness, where kids, you really try hard to have the brothers and sisters, if you've got, you know, siblings in the family, be kind to each other as much as possible and resolve their issues in a way that's respectful. You know, they're family values that, you know, gosh, most of us have. But if you're putting on a program where the kids are treating each other disrespectfully, like quite disrespectfully, and it just feels awkward, it feels like, gosh, I don't want my kids seeing that as a representative of what they think I'm okay with us watching because really that's tacitly what you're saying.
I'm okay with this because you turned it on. It was your choice of show. Or even if it was their choice, you didn't step in and say no, no, that's not the kind of thing we watch in our family.
And they might say, but mom, everyone watches it. You might say, well, and then I think the simple response is not in our family love. Families do, all sorts of families do all sorts of different things, and we don't watch that sort of stuff in our family.
Have whatever they're watching line up with your family values, including advertisements, if indeed there are advertisements, if it's television. And it's kind of doubtful they will. So there is a dilemma right there if it's live, you know, TV, if it's actually a television program.
Some people mute the advertisements, other people just simply, if it's a computer, just simply turn the screen away, or put the lid down if it's a laptop, or just turn it off and turn it back on again when the show comes back on and just judge that. But the media itself is important. Now, the thing about screen creep is that because there's a lot of dopamine, and there's a lot of adrenaline and a lot of cortisol released, kids tend to want more of it.
It's just the nature of the beast, actually, and they'll want more. And most kids will bug for more, and some kids will bug more than others. But it's not unusual that they will bug you and pester you a lot to have more screen.
And that's the rub of it. Because we've introduced a little bit, it's like having a relatively clean diet, and you introduce something that is, you know, like really rich in sugar. It's understandable that they'll want that and ask for that.
Perhaps not all, but most kids would really ask for it. It's similarly with screens, and it takes a real act of consciousness, a real act of will to not allow the screen time to creep and get more and more and more. Because what usually happens in families that I've been speaking to that have screen creep is there are other screens available.
So, firstly, the time on a big screen on a television or the DVD on a computer, that will be intriguing to a child, even if it's a National Geographic, you know, thing. Adrenaline and cortisol are involved in a Nat Geo DVD just as much as they are with others. And perhaps, well, actually, perhaps a little less, because it's not moving quite as fast as other very fast-paced children's programming.
But what happens is they want more and more, and they also see that there are other screens available, and they'll start to want to look at your phone more. And they'll want to, when they go to grandmas and grandpas, they'll want to look at their computer, and unless grandma and grandpa are really switched on, they'll see no harm in it. I hear that all the time, that extended family tend to struggle to keep screen time limited.
So there are other devices, and they'll want more and more and more. And it is entirely possible to keep a limit on it, but gosh, does it require an act of real conscious will. And as the children grow up, if you wish to increase the screen time use, then it's kind of like, you know, really sitting down and thinking about it, if you have a partner at home, then really talking it through together to say, okay, you know, she or he or they are, you know, 14 years old now, what are we going to do? Should we? And then there's another time agreed, and that limit is then very, very strictly kept.
It's unfortunate that it has to be so strict, but because of the nature of dopamine being highly addictive, highly addictive, the strictness of the limit is, in my opinion, absolutely needed more than almost in any other aspect of parenting. Now, the last thing I wanted to mention was the actual nature of the content. I mentioned the very fast-paced stuff.
That is difficult for kids to absorb, and it really does have a big impact on their neurological development, on their social emotional development. The jury is absolutely in on that one. You know, some people say, should we do a little bit of screens or a little bit more or none? And I say, it's just a decision of how much toxic stuff, a little bit of poison, a lot of poison, it's poison.
And just because everyone else is taking it doesn't mean it's not poison, you know. The thing I really wanted to mention is that there is an intensity of the media. So, keep an eye on how fast it flashes, how fast it moves, the aggressive images it's showing, but there is a real line that gets crossed.
There's a couple of them. One is from gentle television programming, DVD-based perhaps, gentle programming, into more open source programming or open TV programming where there's exposure to a lot of advertisements. As parents, we sentence ourselves to being pestered endlessly for, you know, fairly superficial merchandising of characters from TV shows that masquerade as toys.
And we really set ourselves up with that one. And then there's another line that gets crossed in terms of programming that particularly I'm noticing a big upswing in the type of advertisements and programming that sexualize children and particularly girls very, very early. And so, you have younger and younger kids like five, six years old and even younger really dressing and being portrayed as teenagers and even as 16, 17, 18-year-olds where they talk, their attitudes and so on.
If you're a parent of a young girl, be super careful of that kind of stuff. And then for boys, not strictly speaking boys but, you know, for any child, be very, very careful when a line gets crossed into gaming. Gaming is specifically designed, many games are absolutely and consciously designed to be addictive.
Anyone who has watched the Social Dilemma documentary which was really an expose on this, there is no doubt that social media is another line that gets crossed and gaming is into deep addiction. And it's designed, social media sites and gaming are both consciously designed to addict children. And that's where a very big line gets crossed.
So, in terms of screen creep, it's both, as I mentioned, both the media and the medium that we need to keep a very, very careful eye on. The silver lining in all this, I guess, is that as parents, it really brings up consciousness for us. It really brings us to a point of needing to be awake.
We can't drift through this. A much larger group of parents these days are making decisions about screens rather than just drifting along with the crowd. And I really applaud that as a point of parenting consciousness.
So, there we are. Screen creep and things to watch. Of course, if you want to ever speak with me personally in my private family counseling practice, don't hesitate to make contact.
It's something that I love to do, you know, more than almost anything else in the world in terms of supporting family life is to speak to parents directly about their hopes and dreams for their families and how to get closer to them. And you can access that right from our website. You'll see a request to consult with Kim.
But that aside, I sure hope this little podcast has been helpful for you. Okay. Bye-bye for now.
