Hello and welcome back to the Simplicity Diaries with me, Kim John Payne. This week I'm going to be talking about parenting programs, to some extent books as well. But a question came up in a recent trip I was doing, doing workshops, where people were saying, you know, there's this parenting program, that parenting program, there's the, you know, they're worthy.
Many of these programs have, and approaches, have a lot of value to them. There's all kinds, there's the triple P program, or there's, you know, there's positive parenting and conscious parenting and, you know, positive discipline. And all these things, for me, have, you know, so many of them are thoughtful, well put together, and, and worth considering.
To optimize these approaches to parenting, these programs, there's one, there's one simple piece that needs preparing for them, and that is space. These approaches need, if you're going to be doing something in a family, these approaches need some space in which to come into your life. Think of it this way, a metaphor I often use, is there is a, there is a tap, and the tap is turned on, and water is pouring out.
There's a vessel below the tap, a cup, and the water is pouring into the vessel. But it's more than the vessel, the water pouring in is, is pouring in too fast, so that the person drinking, let's say out of a straw, or taking the cup away and then placing it under the water again, can't consume that amount of, of liquid. And so it starts spilling out over the edge.
And that's, so there's this spillage. Now in terms of the metaphor, is that that water, all the things that are happening in daily life, all the demands of family life, the things our kids have got to do, the things we've got to do, for a lot of us, it's intense. There's a lot going on in life now.
It's, I think it's fairly true to say that for many, and perhaps most parents, it's way more than was going on when we were growing up. That's not universally true, but gosh, for most of us it is. And so this water, that's the, I use that metaphor of things pouring into the cup.
The cup is us. The cup is family life, the, of what we can actually contain. That container is, is what feels like, okay, we're keeping up with this.
We're not being flooded. We're not being overwhelmed. We can keep up with the demands that life is making of us or not.
And for many parents, it's the or not that is the problem. Because as we have that feeling of overwhelm, there is overflow. And then parts of us flow out and can't be contained.
And that's usually the things we regret most about our parenting. It's usually outbursts of anger. It might be frustration.
It might be siblings going at each other. It's just this feeling of, ah, this is too much going on. Now, at that moment, we might be tempted to reach for a parenting book or buy a parenting program.
My worry about that is that's just simply more coming into the cup. And something that you relate to that is, you pick up a book or you go online and you look at some parenting program, it is very likely going to have a lot of worth. You didn't sort of land on it for no reason.
You looked at it, and it brought you that feeling of, oh, this is good. I relate to this. Okay, so there's something in it.
But if you add that to an already overflowing family life, all that great program, all the information in that book or much of it is just going to become part of the spillage. It's going to displace other stuff that's coming in, okay. But there's still going to be spillage.
And the worth of what that program or book is putting forward is actually either going to be limited or it's actually going to cause problems because you're trying to do more rather than less. And this is where Simplicity Parenting comes into it. Because Simplicity Parenting is not a program.
It fundamentally is not a program. It's a way of life. And what Simplicity Parenting does is that it effectively puts your hand on the tap and turns the water volume down so that the amount that's coming into your family starts to lessen.
The amount of toys and books and clothing that comes into your family, less. The clarity of rhythm and the clarity of predictability is strengthened, and that arhythmical, unrhythmical life becomes less. The overscheduling, less.
The too much adult information and too little adult leadership, less. And so space is created in the cup because what this Simplicity Parenting approach does is that it turns down that amount of stuff come in expectations and pace of life so that then you've got the calmness, the clarity, and the, I believe it's called bandwidth now. I don't like using computer terminology referring to myself, but perhaps I prefer to call it life space.
But the amount of life space that you have is now enough to be able to take something on that's new. And in that way, when you read through the parenting program and you start instituting parts of that program into your family, it's going to feel authentic. It's not going to feel forced, nervous, anxious.
It's not going to feel like you're overreaching. Your kids are going to hear you, see you, and it's going to be much more believable for them because it's coming from a space within your being, within your soul. And for that reason, I would recommend before trying any parenting program that you hit the pause button and start lowering and dialing back.
And then, even then, when you come to the parenting program, there are parts of these programs that might feel really good to you and other parts that would just feel inauthentic. It just wouldn't, it's not you. Then because you're coming from a karma space, then you can be more discerning about what to take, what to toss.
Because any parenting book, any parenting program is going to have things that just feel very organic and natural for you and other things that just don't quite land. But to make that judgment, there needs to be some space within your soul, really, to be able to do that. And for that reason, I would highly recommend that all these wonderful parenting approaches and all these wonderful pieces of parenting advice will be optimized and will be filled and appropriately when you bring simplicity and balance and a greater degree of it into your home.
Okay, hope that's helpful. Bye bye for now.
