Hello and welcome back to the Simplicity Diaries with me, Kim John Payne. This week I've been thinking about playdates and the how to avoid the drama that's often associated when you want to leave a playdate and your child is really bothered by it, even acting out, doesn't want to go home, won't get in the car and, well, there you are. You're at your friend's house and your child is not behaving well and it's awkward.
It's very awkward. So what are some of the steps we can take when we're, we know we're going to go for a playdate at someone's house with our kid and this is mainly for, I guess this is mainly aimed at younger children but it sure can be adapted for older ones as well, that's for sure. One of the things that I've noticed over the years is that parents have said to me is that when they pre-plan a playdate, it's a whole lot better.
And there's kind of two aspects to this pre-planning. One is to be able to contact the parent of the place that you're visiting ahead of time and actually work out a time limit, say, you know, we're going to be coming over from this time to this time. I mean, we often do that, that's pretty obvious.
But here's the piece of advice that I picked up a number of years ago that sure helped me was to say, okay, so when the playdate is over, you're going to, you the host and your child are going to leave. That sounds funny, right? Because they're actually at home. So how can they leave? Well, it is as simple as the mother or father of the child, the host parent and the child to simply say, oh, okay, our playdate's over now.
And now we're going to go upstairs. And we're going to get on with our tidy up or we're going to, it's bath time now and we're going. So in other words, the host parent and host child, so to speak, actually signal that they are moving on and that they're moving on to a different part of their day.
And that they're moving on to a part of their day that to be blunt, you and your child are not invited to. And I don't mean that to sound harsh. It's just a little bit strategic and you work it out ahead of time.
And by the way, you return the favor, the favor, I beg your pardon. You return the favor when that parent comes over to your house. So that the host parent takes that initiative to close the playdate.
You see, that's really different to you saying to your child, we've got to go now. And there's still fun things happening. And you say, no, no, no, no, we've got to go now.
And there's still fun things happening. It's very, very hard to drag your child away from that. Because what are you suggesting as an alternative? Sitting in the car, right? So a child is doing like a sort of a cost-benefit analysis and saying, no, I don't want to go and sit in the car and be strapped in that horrible seatbelt and just have a boring ride home.
This is much more fun. I want to stay. I mean, it's very understandable, right? But if the parent, the host parent at the other end, and you agree that they'll move things on and they say, it's time to say goodbye now.
And you say, oh, that's right. Yes, it's time for us to go home. And when we get home, yeah, we're going to get on with our supper as well.
Or whatever it is that you feel best to say at the time. And then the host parent moves off. Well, then there's no more fun.
There's no reason for a child to stay. And much of the meltdowns of the pushback, of the whinging, the whining, even if you do get your child into the car, all the whining that happens on the way home, which gets the rest of the day off to, you know, it sets it off on a bad course. All that's avoided if you pre-plan and the host parent just simply says goodbye and takes their child off into a different room.
And I really would recommend that the host parent does do that, if you're the host or they're the host, that you actually leave the room, you know, and off you go and that you transition, you simply just transition into a new activity. The activity is that, you know, if you're doing this, by the way, if you're the host and you're calling an end to the play date, then the activity that you're going to do is best if it's rhythmical. The child knows it's coming.
It's just simply time to do that. And then as a host parent yourself, you're much, much more unlikely to get any kind of pushback because it's just simply time when that happens. And so you can actually time your play dates and say, OK, we're going to have, we're going to play for 90 minutes, an hour and a half, two hours, one hour, whatever it is.
And then we're going to get back into our supper routine. And your supper time rhythms are pretty much the same way every day. And then your child transitions because it's just that's what we do.
That's what the time is to do it. And they're much more likely to move off with you. If, you know, those rhythms, if it doesn't fall naturally into that, but, you know, I'd really recommend you try and do that, then you can just simply say to your child, well, we're going to go upstairs now and see what we can find.
And you might get a little bit of pushback from your own child, but it's worth doing because if you trade off this with other parents, play date transitions don't become nearly so difficult, not nearly so difficult at all. Okay. That's a very simple one.
But the feedback from so many parents over the years is a little bit of pre-planning before a play date means you can draw a play date to a close and not face those dramas or even meltdowns. Okay. Hope that's helpful.
Bye bye for now.
