Welcome back to the Simplicity Diaries with me, Kim Jon Paine. In recent months, I've been asked, I was asked to talk to two groups. One group was the Black Lives Matters movement and particularly groups of parents in that movement, in that community, and the other with the LGBTQ community and parents within that community.
And I must confess to being quite nervous, giving these, these presentations, because it's, I wondered if what I was about to say would be controversial, or perhaps just not, not correct. I wasn't quite sure how this would be taken. But nevertheless, I was very grateful for the invitation.
And, and I tried to give the picture of something very dear to my heart and to the simplicity parenting practices. And it was this, that if we want to raise our children to be, to be writers of social wrongs, to be social activists and warriors, to be able to change so much that needs changing in the world, we need to give them a picture when they're little in their first seven to nine years, at least, that it actually is a beautiful world full of beautiful and fair and kind and caring people. Because unless we give our children this picture that there are loving and kind and just, and basically good people in the world, when they grow up into their teens and beyond, when we want them to be active in changing the world, how do they know what to change the world to, unless they've had that, that vision, that picture, that reality that there is goodness? How can you create goodness unless you've had a picture of what goodness is embedded within your heart at, at, at the right age when you're little? You see, I've worked with teenagers who have grown up in very, very well-meaning homes where by mothers and fathers have wanted to raise these children to deal with the inequities in the world with racism, homophobia, bullying, the, you know, the things that we just know are horrible in the world and many others besides.
And when they grow up surrounded by this kind of conversation, I've seen a good number of these kids and I've spoken with even a bigger number of parents who report that the kids get kind of jaded unless we're very careful. They, one mum said to me, you know, I raised my daughter to be an eco-warrior and she said she's now 17 and all she wants is Prada and Gucci, you know, fashion lines. And other parents have said to me, you know, when I speak about the injustices in the world now, when my kids are teenagers, they just roll their eyes and, and, and close down, which is tragic, right? I mean, that is the opposite to what we intend.
Not all kids do this, of course, but it's happening in, in such volumes. And I see, I see the patterns and the, and the patterns are very, very concerning indeed. In this talk, with these two movements that I mentioned, Black Lives Matters, and the LGBTQ community, I wondered how this message would be received.
And I was relieved, frankly, and, and surprised when there was such a resounding interest in this and, and just a straightforward, yes, this is what, this is what seemed, this makes sense to us. We do want to gradually expose our children to the things that need changing in the world. But overwhelming them, many of the parents at these, at this, at these two gatherings, heard a truth in this, and were really questioning how they were going about raising their kids.
And I was so struck by these parents' deep love for their children, that they would, they would be willing to re-examine something that they also held so dear as social activism. And basically, you know, there's a, there's a saying that my dear friend, the singer Jewel, talks about in her book, Never Broken, is that hardwood grows slow. And it's a wonderful saying, and the, the, the, the allowing children to slowly grow into the, the world and the social world around them, with all, with all its ups and downs, I feel needs to begin with, with the understanding that there are good people, there are kind people around them.
And as many of you may have read in the Simplicity Parenting book, before, in the book, actually, before I wrote, before I say anything in front of my children, I ask myself three questions. This is, this is in the book of, is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it true? But in recent years, I've added a fourth to that. And that is, is it safe? Will, will what I'm about to say, help my children feel safe and feel they can trust the world? And this, this, unless I can check off all four, yes, it'll make them feel safe.
Yes, it's kind. Yes, it's, it's, it's true. And the big one is, and yes, it's necessary, you know, that they hear this.
Is it developmentally right? Is it necessary? And unless I can check off all four boxes with a positive, then myself and my wife have just taken it on board for years to simply defer saying it and speak about it afterwards. Now that my kids are older and they're teenagers, my oldest daughter is becoming very sort of passionate about sustainable agriculture, for example. But she didn't really ever hear those words when she was little.
Were we kind to the animals around us? Yes. Did we, did we chat with the good people down at the, at the farmer's market and ask all about their vegetables and, and, and how they grew them? Yes, of course we did. And, and, and that seemed just so right to, to have my child over here.
But did we talk about the poisoning of the earth and about global warming and acid rain? No. But are we talking about it now? Absolutely we, we are. In fact, it's very likely what my daughter will study in college.
So both firsthand in my own family, but also listening into others. And then more recently with these two communities I spoke with, this idea of, of a slow start and a strong finish seemed to come up. This metaphor, the sports metaphor, isn't it? Of you start slow, but you end strong.
Hope that's of interest. Okay. Bye-bye for now.
