Here we are again, back at the Simplicity Diaries with me, Kim John Payne. So glad you could just make this little 10 or 15 minute window of time and I hope it's worth it. I wanted to talk a little bit today about children and time, particularly children, the younger ones, and often their demands for now, now, I want this now, it often comes out in this way, but it's actually them expressing quite often, amongst other things, they're not quite there yet, by any means, in terms of understanding the passing of time.
So they're kind of, and I've heard younger children say this, I need it now, otherwise I'll forget, or, and I'm hearing this more and more these days, no, I need it now or you'll forget. Now this worry, this being right in the now, but this worry about forgetting is something that has really caught my attention and, you know, kind of snuck up on me, I sort of didn't realise how more and more children are demanding what they want and demanding it right now. But it's also, I had a hunch a while back that this was to do with the increasing amount of cell phone use with parents and I wasn't sure, you know, who knows, but I think little children get very anxious that unless, well, first of all, they get more vocal and even outrageous in their demands for now, because that gets our attention away from the phone and then they'll demand the now because they're worried that if they don't get what they need right in that moment, then we will be distracted again by the phone.
So I decided to enlist a bunch of parents to see if this was actually the case. And so when a child wanted something, they immediately put the cell phone away, cell phone down, no cell phone. And the anecdotal feedback was relatively clear that this eased the very strong, sometimes demands for now and then even the meltdowns when it's not going to be done now.
And so there seems to be, at least for our little simplicity parenting community, or actually our large simplicity parenting community, something worth thinking about and even, you know, dealing with is that a child's sense of time is not good yet. But what they do know is that they are in a kind of a war against this weapon of mass disconnection, otherwise known as a cell phone. So it makes them kind of desperate to get what they want and get it right now because we will disappear in our presence, attention and consciousness from them.
So that's one little thing to, well, actually quite big thing to be thinking about. So what is it that we can actually do apart from being very, very careful about our cell phone use when children need to communicate with us? One is to, well, an image perhaps is to feel ourselves like Big Ben, you know, in London, Big Ben, this high tower that I've never been up there, but the view must be amazing. So we've got this, we've got this strong presence and, and this, this kind of executive big picture overview of all the city or family with us, and that we are the keepers of time.
We are the Big Bens of time for younger children. So now with that in mind, a couple of things to, to, to, to be going on with, first of all, phone away, but first of all, repeat back in, in an ordinary way, what your child is asking for. If they're saying they want, they want some glue for a project to say, okay, so you need some, all right, all right.
You need some better glue. All right. We can do that.
I think I know where some is or swear we don't have any more glue, but I think we could maybe find or whatever it is. Don't get all kind of counseling and therapy-ish and, you know, and find yourself saying, what I hear you saying is, I mean, just, just be normal and just repeat back a little bit paraphrase what it is so that it helps your child. Okay.
So my mom, my dad, my grandma, my guardian has heard what it is I'm asking for. Okay. Point number one.
Point number two is to make time manifest. And what I mean by this is make it real, make it visual for a little one and say, you know what sweetheart? I'm just going to finish folding these clothes and then we'll go look for the glue. So again, step, step one is, okay, so you need another pair of scissors cause those aren't working.
All right. I think we could do that, but, and step two, but first I'm just going to finish folding the clothes and then we'll go and, and look for, for some more scissors. I think I know just where they are, right? Just it really is just two steps.
See, children don't have that executive brain. They don't have that Big Ben in terms of time, they're, they're just little, and they don't have that. But we do on a good day and we can do that, right? In doing this, and here's the last piece about this, in doing this, it actually helps this crucial quality that we all know is so crucial.
And that is that quality of impulse control that we don't find ourselves leaving this and then that, and this child's asking for this and we run to that job. And then we, if you've got a couple of kids, it can, it can be like playing demand whack-a-mole, right? It's like, no, I'm going to finish what I do. I've, I've absolutely heard what you're saying, and now I'm going to finish what I do.
And it's just, you know, a few seconds, maybe a minute or two at most. And then we'll do that. So for a child, it helps them grow that lovely waiting muscle, which is so important for future emotional intelligence, for future success, making friends, and eventually in the workplace when they're big.
And the second thing is that it models impulse control because we are finishing what we're doing and then we're doing the next thing. I don't think parenting is so much multitasking, but single tasking multiple times. And this very much helps these now demands.
So I hope that is helpful. It's one of those little big things, right? If we can just develop this muscle of letting a child know they're being heard and then grounding time by making it visual, doing something and then helping them, children eventually will say things like, Daddy, when you finished, when you finished doing the dishes, can you look for some scissors for me? I mean, they do, but it takes weeks and months of coaching them up to accept that this is the way things are in our family. OK, again, I hope that's helpful.
If you ever want to chat with me personally, you can go right to Simplicity Parenting website and request a consult. It's right there. It's my favorite thing to do in the world.
But I hope that's helpful. Bye bye for now.
