Welcome back to the Simplicity Diaries with me, Ken John Payne. Well done, made another 10-15 minutes in your day to tune in to this little podcast. This week I was struck when I was reading my little local newspaper, it actually is still a newspaper, you know, it's still actually printed on paper and sent out.
And I read a quote from Howard Zinn, actually a sort of a well-known commentator, thinker, philosopher of our time, and it set me thinking about how to speak to children when things are really going wrong, when there's people around the world that are suffering, but it made me think also about the sort of comments that we make in front of our children, whether it's wrong or Pollyanna-ish to be positive, because I've heard this, you know, with a number of the parents I speak with, should we introduce our children to the hardships going on in the world? And of course it's got to do with the developmental stage and the way we talk to children, of course, but this little quote in our local newspaper really seemed to sum up a point of view that we want to raise children in this, when they're little, with this feeling that there are good people in the world. Yes, there are hard things that happen and they'll hear about those from, you know, people around abouts and other kids at school, that they're in school, but there are good people, there are very good people doing very good things. And I'd like just to sort of read this brief quote through and see what we make of it.
Okay. To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It's based on the fact that human history is a history of not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, and kindness.
What we choose to emphasise in this complex history will determine our lives. If we only see the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places, and there are so many, where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction.
And if we do act in however small a way, we don't have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presence, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, it is in itself a marvellous victory. That was from an article called A View from a Balcony by a person writing called Hetty Startup.
What a lovely name. So, this piece about raising children in this understanding that it is still a beautiful world, there are good people all around us, and when hard things happen, those people will be there to help us, they'll be there to help others, and bringing this kind of understanding to young children, I believe is kind of crucial really, because how can we raise them to be the social activists, social warriors, the eco-warriors, the activists, and change the world to be a better place if they don't know what a better place actually is, if they've been raised on a steady diet of bad news, of conversations around them, of disappointment in other people, of letting down our guard, and speaking about people badly, and our disappointments, and so on. For young children, I think those conversations are best bracketed, or at least framed in the way that, gosh, this was a hard situation today that I had to try and figure out a way to understand.
Again, it's not just pretending everything is fine, but the way in which we frame it is so important for young children to feel the confidence, because they've come into this world, and they're still coming into this world, they want to be in this world, they're little, they're incarnating, they're coming in, and as much as possible, if we can give them a warm vessel, so to speak, to come into, it will invite them in, in a way that builds their confidence, in a way that doesn't make them reticent, because there's all sorts of bad things going on, and because they're little, they really can't do much about it, and that's scary, that's very scary. Imagine really bad things happening to us as adults, and we can do nothing about it at all. That's when our anxiety levels rise.
We all know that, and we all experience that in our adult life, with bad things happening that we can do nothing about, and we feel helpless, and gosh, does that ever feel hard, and raise our nervousness and anxiousness, and fears, but for little children on a day-to-day level, if we talk that way, imagine what it's like for them, because they're little, they're so helpless in many ways, in terms of the big world, and so one of the things we can do to help their nervous systems soothe, and relax, and digest, is at least when they're around us, we can give them this message that there are good, and kind, and competent people in the world, as much as we can, given the environment that we're raising our children in, and to be able to almost counterbalance what it is they'll hear, almost inevitably, from others, particularly if they start bigger schools, or out there in the playground, in the neighborhoods, they'll hear things, right, and so it's almost a question of counterbalancing, and hearing it from the people, their parents, their guardians, their grandparents, extended family, and so on, that there are good people around, and we can overcome difficulties, we will all do our best for people that are suffering in the world, in a small way, in a large way, but there are other people too that are joining us in that concern, that message I find more and more important to bring to children in general, and if we can, you know, bear in mind these words that I took from the Sufi tradition, and took the liberty of adding one word to it, where before we say anything in front of our children, we should run four simple little checks. The first check is, is what I'm about to say kind? Is what I'm about to say, is it true, but true to our values, not just factually true, to our inner values? Also, is it necessary, is it really necessary that I say this right now, in this moment, when my children are present? Can it be deferred? And then lastly, what I would add to this is, is this securing, is this going to help my child feel secure in this safe family base, so they can launch out into the world and make the changes they need to make, and as they'll increasingly need to make? Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary? And is it securing? Okay, so that's the thought for the week, but it's a challenge for a lifetime for our children. Okay, I sure hope that's helpful.
Bye-bye for now.
