Hello, and welcome back to the Simplicity Parenting Diaries with me, Kim John Payne. Again, you carved out the time to listen into this very brief little podcast. This week, I've been thinking about deep connection through the simple and ordinary.
And what I mean by that is that we all have this such a strong wish to connect with our children, our tweens, our teens, to have that kind of enduring and deeper love that will hold us through the years as the years go on. And yet, so much of that large stretch and that deeper wish that stretches out and stretches down is built via the simple activities. What I mean by this is little activities like folding the clothes.
There you are, you know, at the kitchen table, perhaps, or at the counter in the laundry, and you're folding the clothes, and you're handing them to your younger child to put in the basket, or you're challenging them to figure out whose clothes they are and put them in the right pile for the right family member. It might be loading the dishwasher. It might be out in the garden just planting some new spring bulbs or spring plants.
It could be any number of very ordinary little things that one is doing around the house. And these ordinary things are the things that I feel build connection as much and perhaps even more than playing with a child. You know, we often think the good times like playing and having games, and of course, that is so lovely.
However, I think the connection that doing the little things, the ordinary things, pulling the making the bed and child takes one side and pulls up the covers and you pull up the other and I know this, these could come under the heading of chores. But I think of it as home care. And I think of it as connection building.
And I hope that's not too philosophical. It's hard to be philosophical about pulling up the bedclothes or loading the dishwasher. But what it's actually doing is that it's building a child's sense of togetherness, of we are engaged in this house and home together.
And it's really worth going that extra mile to insist that everyone takes part in this. Often, you know, we all know this, after we get through the insisting stage, there's a there's a point where this starts to flow more for most kids, albeit with it with, you know, a little bit of cajoling necessary. But here's one thing I want to also add into the mix that many, many parents have found helpful, is that when you're doing the so called chores or home care, try mixing in the ingredient of old family stories.
So you're making the bed, you're whatever it is you're doing, you know, you're folding the clothes, you're sorting out the washing. As you're doing that with a child, you might think just keep in the back of your mind, tell them a story about when they were a baby that no child can resist it, right? Tell them a story about when their father was a little boy, or when, you know, or a father or mother or guardian was it was it was a child, when their grandfather did something very daring, and these are all the old family stories. And tell us and they may have heard so many times, but you know, really, right? But tell them again.
And, and tell them in a in a way you're just doing whatever you're doing, you're cleaning up, you're folding the clothes. And just say, you know, I remember, I remember, Kobe, when you were a little boy, do you? I don't know. Do you remember when you fell over and you cut your, your hand so badly? And oh, my goodness, you don't? Well, I know, I've told you about before, but and you just tell that story about how brave he was when, when they were when they had to go to the doctors and all that, or whatever it is, you know, the the telling a little story, as you're working together, can it brings another whole level of connection with a child.
Also, when you're doing something with a child, a tween or a teen, but particularly a younger child up until about the age of 910. You're really activating the mirror neurons, which we've talked about a few times in these podcasts, but you're really activating the mirror neurons, which are responsible for imitation. But imitation is also when you're myelinating that part of a child's brain through the action, through actions, not just hours in front of screens, where it's so sedentary, but you're you're taking you're doing things you're involving a child in, in real actions in real, you know, and you're doing it, they're doing it, the mirror neurons are imitating you, because you're folding the clothes in a certain way, or you're washing the dishes in a certain way, mopping the floor in a certain way.
And provided we do it just that little when they're with us just that little beat or two more slowly talked about this before you might recall, just slow it down just a tad, not so that it's weird or anything, just a little bit, then their mirror neurons start firing in their brain. Now, here's the important thing, just to remind us, is that the mirror neuron, the the is the imitation, the ability to inwardly absorb what someone else is doing, and then be able to flow with them is the foundation for future social and emotional skills. It's particularly the foundation for empathy.
It makes sense, right? If a young child can imitate you and work alongside you, with you just chatting away about about some family stories just to smooth the way you're also smoothing the way in their brain to develop future empathy, really, because if they can sense what it is you're doing, bring that into actions and work alongside you, that in a that in an action based translation becomes empathy, because empathy involves knowing what's going on inside someone else, and then moving being able to move with them. And you are quite, you know, literally laying down those pathways within your child's neural development when when you do this. So connecting with mom or dad or guardian, you know, connecting with you, when you're, when you're working in this way, through doing all the little things together, that is building future success with colleagues, perhaps with a future partner, you're building, you're building that future looking, forward facing quality for them for the future.
But for now, you're building connection. And you're also building a feeling of competency. Like I am if I'm a little child, and I'm five or six years old, I am contributing to this, this house, I am a helper.
You know, one little boy at bedtime, not so long back a year or two back said to a mom, after a day of helping on and off like this said to the to the mom at bedtime. You know what, Mommy, I don't know how we get all this done in this house without me. Do you? Couldn't wait to tell me about it.
Because what a lovely comment. But that's deep connection, that that child not only felt competent, that they've but they felt that they were doing something with, with their mom, their dad, their guardian, their parent, grandparent. So coming full circle, we build deep connections through the simple ordinary.
As always, you know, don't hesitate, if you'd like to have a conversation with me a personal private consultation, go right to the website, there it is. And you'll just click on that link and it'll come right through to our office. But most of all, I wish you well, you know, just with this, perhaps just a little bit of a tickle, an encouragement to help your children build that deep connection and attachment with you through doing multiple simple little ordinary things together through the day.
Okay, bye bye for now.
