Hello and welcome back to the Simplicity Diaries with me, Kim John-Payne. So glad you could join us again. This week I've been thinking about what we can do if and when we meet resistance to when we want to declutter, tidy up, and organize the home, and yet you've got some children or some family members that just aren't into it, right, that is not into decluttering.
And particularly with children, if you meet a sort of a resistance, rather than push through it, rather than saying, no, we're going to declutter, we're going to declutter your room. There are two main things that can be done that I've seen that can ease the feeling of pushing things along too much. The first one I've mentioned in one of these podcasts, actually quite a long time ago, so I'll just nutshell it now.
And that is decluttering and organizing your own space first. You know, if you're wanting to have that feeling of spaciousness and bring that into your home, and that's a real value to you, out there in the world is so choppy and changeable and kind of disorganized at the moment, then this feeling of in here, we're organized. In here, there's space.
There's space for us all in our family. Out there, it feels kind of pressing. In here, there's space.
In here, it's organized. Now, you know, there are very few people who would not want that, but how do you go about it? And one of the first things, as I mentioned, is to pay attention to one's own spaces first, is to model it. But it's also to set up, in a sense, a little bit of a flow.
So maybe in your own little office area or study, you organize, you get baskets and bins for things or some cupboards or some shelves, you declutter, you take out the things that are unnecessary that just have accumulated, you file away some of those papers that you just meant to for a long time, and then you're filing them and realize, oh my goodness, I didn't even need to keep these at all. So you know, that you organize and declutter your personal space in the house. Maybe your bedroom, you organize and declutter and get rid of the stuff you don't need.
You take your own clothes, you put some away in some deeper storage area, some boxes, you seasonalize your own clothes, you maybe even declutter some of your own books and just have the books out that you know you often turn to as a reference, and that you're currently reading. So that you're actually working out what is essential, what is not essential. That's the essential question when you do this, what's essential, what's not essential.
And after doing and dealing with that in your own space, then the second step is to turn to communal space. So now it's the kitchen or the lounge room, same deal again, organizing stuff in baskets, declutter, a lot of stuff just can go away, can be put in a library. And so the children just feel this lovely effect of spaciousness in those spaces, which they often inhabit, right? So and it's fairly common and our coaches all around the world, group leaders, I've certainly experienced this myself as well, the reflections we get is that often kids will get their stuff out of some fairly cluttered bedrooms and playrooms and such, and bring it out to this area where there's space.
So now they can spread all the things out there as well. But they like to play in those spaces that have space. And particularly then you've made a little bit of a stepping stone into decluttering and organizing, because now you can get a basket and say, well, let's put all the Legos, let's put all those project materials back in this basket.
And there hasn't been that kind of basket before, but it makes sense to a child. Or even if there has been a basket, it makes more sense to a child, because the space that they started with, let's say the lounge room, they've gotten used to and they like it with this feeling of it being an open space that they can play in. So it builds a little bit of a ramp.
And then finally, the third step, and the first step is your own space. Second step, communal space. Third step is now a child's space.
And of the countless numbers of parents have done this, very, very few encounter problems with it, because now a child is moving within the flow of what's being created in the rest of the house. Not only have you normalized it, but a child has personally experienced how great it is to have this kind of space. How when there is, you know, a question like, Mom, where are the scissors? Where are the marker pens? You can say, oh, you know what, they're over in my study area, they're in the basket.
And it's got a little label on it that says marker pens. You go over and you'll find it right away. Now for a child, that is very securing.
It's not just a funny little thing we do because we don't like clutter. It's a very securing thing for a child to go to a place, find what they're looking for, and then it's just that bit easier to have them put it back because they know right where to do it. And if they're not, you can just bring the basket right over to them and have them put the marker pen or the crayon or the construction material back in the big tub that held the construction paper because that's where it goes.
And you'll be able to find it tomorrow when you need it or next time. So that's the kind of raying out in concentric circles, but leaving the children's space to last. The only alternative I've heard to that is that sometimes children will really, it's a really great thing, they'll bug a parent to actually come and do their space sooner.
Now what if you meet resistance to that? You've done all that and you still meet real resistance to letting any toys go, letting any books go, letting any sports equipment go. Kids are clinging to it and there are some that will do that. They will cling to their stuff.
Now sometimes that's a little bit temperament based, I get that, there are some kids who cling to things a little bit more, so you need to give them a bit of time, obviously. But one of the things that I want to put out there for you to think about if you've got that situation and you're worried about kids clinging to stuff and crying and screaming and don't throw that out, in my experience it's best just to leave it. Honestly, just leave it.
What you can do is at least organize and not declutter, that's thought number one. Just organize, get some tubs, they usually got to be pretty big tubs and big baskets and at least organize. So split the two themes of organizing and decluttering, separate them and just organize.
In the meantime, a child clinging to stuff is sometimes, not always, but sometimes a sign that there is some other work to be done in other ways to lower their anxiety. It's not always, but often a sign of heightened anxiety that kids cling to stuff. So you might think, okay, we need to dial back on the amount of playdates and clubs, it's all gotten too much.
Actually, I'm not making that one up, that's happened several times where a kid has clinged to stuff, like really screamed and cried, but their life was so fast, so full, that when that was dialed back, and it took several months, four or five months, if I remember correctly, then the decluttering and the letting go of stuff was actually no problem at all. That problem went away. It might be that there's just too much going on.
It might be that there is a lot of, this relates to screen use, particularly social networking, I think of it as anti-social networking, or gaming, where there's a very high dopamine, like pleasure-reward, pleasure-reward cycle set up. When that happens, when kids are involved in a lot of digital use and screen use, there is, I've noticed this anecdotally, but I've noticed it enough to see it as a pattern, that when screens are lower, the amount of time spent on screens, and particularly the amount of gaming and social networking that goes on, it's easier for the child to let go of stuff, because those games, those toys, those things, you would think, well, they're not playing with them anymore, they're on a screen so much, but they actually symbolize pleasure and reward. And the kids are now starting to have that dopamine hit of pleasure-reward, and they want to hang on to those toys and those things that they haven't played with forever, and they've just even outgrown them.
So it could be an overwhelm in a number of different areas, a digital overwhelm, it could be all sorts of other stuff in their lives where it's moving too fast, but if you have a child clinging desperately to stuff, have a think about dialing life back, have a think about moving in a little closer, having a few little more family bike outings or family board game nights, baking together, just secure family base a little bit, so that securing the relationship then enables a child to let go of clinging to outer stuff, because you've secured the inner space. Okay, so that's thoughts about letting go of, of helping children let go of stuff, and be able to organize and declutter in your home. All right, as always, I sure hope that was helpful.
Bye-bye for now.
