Hello and welcome back to the Simplicity Diaries with me, Kim John Payne. You've done it again, you've made a little window to listen to this little podcast. This week I've been thinking about village making.
You know, we all know this term, it takes a village to raise a child, but I was thinking, you know, what's really with that? There's so much truth that rings in that statement, but how do we go about that? How do we actually do that in a practical way? And in a way that matches with our lives, in a way that feels right, how do we go about gathering good folk around us that our children can know are good people, you know, that are people that they're a part of our tribe, you know, they're a part of us. Because if you dial it back only, you know, a few generations, most kids were raised in an extended, a larger extended family, and if we go back like 100, 200 plus years, a lot of children were not only around extended family, but they were around generations as well. And they were around very extended family, second cousins and so on.
And they, many children hundreds of years ago, were were growing up in a place that their parents grew up in, and their parents' parents and their parents' parents' parents grew up in. And it was almost like, you know, not almost, we were born into this, right? Now, those days are fading for many of us. And if they still still exist, we're creating them consciously, with with conscious multi generational living, it is, there are people who are doing that beautifully.
To this day, of course, but it's a decision we make to do that. We're a much more mobile society now. And children in that sense, are still have this, this deep need for their people around them.
You know, the, in one way you could see it is that it's like, oh, gosh, we don't have all that warmth and security of the past. But with that warmth and security of, you know, hundreds of years ago, raising kids, also came a lot of restrictions also came, what came with it was was a lot of boundaries, restrictions. This is the way you do it, there is no other way.
This is how you raise your child, there is no, you just didn't get much of a choice in it. And if you try to do things differently, then the village would, there'd be trouble, right with people in the village. So in one way, it's great to be free of all that.
Because, because, because now we can raise our children in the way we we choose to consciously, we don't have to just fall into the norms that were created and the rules and the boundaries that were created by people that we might not agree with. So now we get to choose, that's the good part. The part that's not so great, is that now we're on our own.
But that's not the end of the story, right? Because we can move on, say, okay, we are on our own raising kids these days, there isn't such a thing as an automatic tribe for most, perhaps for some, but for most kids, most families, not so. So particularly in Western culture, of course. But the, what we can do is create a conscious village, we can create our people.
And that's where we do get to choose. And this is, this can be done ever so simply, can't it? You know, where, where, you know, if there's a babysitter, for example, and a long standing babysitter, and someone who comes and watches the children who's been doing that for a couple of years or more, rather than when they walk in the door, we rush out. Rather than do that, perhaps we could spend just that five minutes chatting with them.
I know we do that sometimes, but doing it consciously, and saying, you know, how are things going? And how are things at work for you? And gosh, is, is, you know, is your grandma feeling, feeling better these days? How's that going? And, and, and see, the children are watching this, they're watching it, even though they're playing, they're off doing something, they're maybe over in the corner reading a book, or if the little ones are doing a project, but they're seeing us build an attachment bridge to the babysitter. And these attachment bridges are what our children can walk over and feel that person is now welcome in our village, we walk into their world, they walk into ours, just that little bit. It can be the same with with a with a good neighbor, someone who you or someone in the town or lives in the neighborhood that you admire, that you feel is a good person.
And you basically, you know, almost make a plan to befriend them, because you want your children to experience that that's a good guy, that's a good person, that's a that's a really loving older person in the community. We can often find these older people in our community that perhaps have a little more time can't be guaranteed, but perhaps they do. And invite them over and invite them over for a cup of tea, and have have a lovely chat with them.
It doesn't mean they're they're the family's besties, although who knows. But what we're doing is that we're building an attachment bridge consciously. And we get to choose the people from from our church groups from our towns, from our sports clubs, from wherever we find good people that we would like our our children to to be around.
It is it is so lovely to build this village consciously. And when our kids get older, you know, when they're 12, 13, 14, the beauty of this is that they'll start gravitating towards them. Because kids at that age need relationships outside the family.
But if in their younger years, we've built those relationships up, they will naturally turn to those people, good people, grounded people, people who live value based lives, they'll turn to them. And they won't necessarily only turn to other other people who aren't doing good stuff. Other people in the world that you wish they wouldn't be influenced by.
Now, is some of that going to happen maybe as kids explore as teenagers explore the world. But if there's a dear family of a friend, a family friend, who you've established that attachment bridge, then as the kids grow, they can disclose in them, they can spend time with them, they can do stuff with them, and that and that they're a real presence in in your in your tribe. And in that way, you're you're, I guess, I guess, ultimately, what we're doing in establishing a conscious village and building these bridges.
What we're doing is saying to children, you know, there are good people in the world. There are things happening in the world that are not good, that are hurtful, that are down, downright horrible, even evil. But there are also good people in the world.
And even when we're not with them, you know, we can be wondering, I wonder what our friend Sally is up to now? Do you think? Yeah, that's right. She probably is feeding her dog. She does it at this time.
Every day. We know that, don't we? Yes. But one dog is getting very old, isn't it? You know, I wonder, you know, I wonder what Jeff is doing now.
Or I wonder, and it could even be with a teacher, you know, a very dear teacher who you feel is someone or a sports coach that is definitely what you would like to have those values be absorbed by your children. You can wonder out loud, gosh, I wonder what Miss McNamara is doing at the moment. I wonder what Miss McKenzie is doing at the moment.
Do you think they're getting their children ready for school? And you can just have them, not only have them over, because there's a limit to what you can do with that. But you can have them just as a part of your dinner table conversation or at breakfast, just wonder out loud what they're doing. It's another way of building an attachment bridge.
But back to this last point now, in closing. We want our kids to grow up knowing it's a beautiful world, that there are beautiful people in it, that there are people who are struggling to help the world. Because as they grow, they're going to see, as I mentioned, a lot of things that are not okay.
But if they have this template of good people doing good things, and then they see people doing things that are not okay, that are hurtful, they'll then have foundations under their feet. And to mix my metaphors, a light at the end of that dark tunnel to go towards. The tunnel won't be dark.
Their world won't be dark around them. There'll be the light of good value-based people in their lives. And they know that they exist.
And therefore they know that what is happening right now, if it is in their life, is wrong. And most importantly, they'll have a picture of what I can change this to be. What transformation does this need? Because how can they transform something, at least try to be good, if they've never been raised with that? So the more we can place good, deeply good people, and bring them into our tribe, the more that will give our children the confidence they need to be social warriors, really, as they grow up.
Okay, I sure hope that's helpful. Bye bye for now.
