Hello and welcome back to the Simplicity Diaries with me, Kim John Payne. Yay, you did it. Carved out 10-15 minutes again this week to have a listen in.
This week I want to talk about kids with big imaginations that brings up big problems. Big imaginations, big problems. What I mean by this is that very often children who have just lived right into what they're going to do, they have this whole world planned in what they're going to do and then they start in on a project of some sort, if they're little ones or bigger ones, you know, it doesn't matter, they've just always had this beautiful, big, rich imagination and it can bring up problems particularly during transitions, particularly trying to move kids through the day because they've got this vast world that they're inwardly imagining of how things are going to go and any interruption to that by siblings who want to play something else, by transitions needing to do something else, it really can become problematic or even explosive because they're, or at the very least, a cause of real frustration or digging in their heels or protectiveness of what they're doing and just a straight up refusal sometimes as well.
And I think it's important to understand that the child's not being deliberately, you know, stubborn or explosive or any of those things that I mentioned. In their world, what's happening is that they're imagining this whole scenario playing out and it's not being allowed to come to fruition because what we're suggesting, like it's time for dinner, you know, like basic stuff. It's time that we go upstairs now for bath time or it's time to have lunch, whatever it is, their world and their world, their view of how things can go and need to go in order to get to completion is now being interrupted.
So in one sense, we can see this as a wish to actually see something through to its end. And that's a good thing. It's a really good thing, but it's also a really problematic thing that comes up in families, you know, very often.
So that's the first piece is to understand what it is that is the reason that often kids with big imaginations, we bump into big problems with their behavior. So what to do? You know, what can we do? Now if you have a child that this sort of more or less rings true, one of the things you might already be doing, but I just want to, you know, encourage you to do more of that is when they are at night, nighttime, you can preview the next day and they might already have big ideas of what they're going to do, even the night before. In the morning, you can do the same sort of thing if you didn't do it the night before.
Maybe they didn't have any ideas, but now they do. Get in close, move in close, like in other words, sort of get in there first and listen to their plans. Like what is it that they're going to do? Now some of it is emergent, you know, they just see how things go.
Some kids are a little bit more oriented that way. Others have a very definite plan of what they're hoping to do and move in close and before they even start in on the project or resuming a project that they've started the previous day or evening or whatever, ask them out loud what their plans are. And most kids are happy to be asked and they'll tell you all about what they're going to do and how they're going to build that and do that or read this and then do that.
So move in close and let them talk out loud their plans and share and go into their world. This is another version of this, your world, child's world, my world, adult world, our world, family world. I write about this in The Soul of Discipline book, but this is another lensing of it, another way to look at it.
Okay, so move in close to their world and let them unpack all their different plans. You're sort of thinking at this stage, oh my goodness, you know, that is, there's no way that that is going to be finished by, you know, by lunchtime. And you're inwardly, you're thinking, gosh, all right, but no need to say that in that way to them.
I think it's important to say, well, gosh, that is a lot that you've got planned that my goodness, and you might even help them get some supplies in. So you're building a connection to their world, right? So you're in their world. You're connected with them, and they sense that connection with you, that it's their world, but my mom, my dad, my guardian is sharing that world with me.
And then to be able to say to them, and this is a key thing, is let's see how far you get, because you might not get all the way to finishing that, or you might, but I'm going to be so interested and come back and check in when it's time to come to lunch. I'm going to be so interested to see how far you got. Now this, this now takes the edge for some kids of, I have to complete everything.
It's, now it's shifted to, let's see how far we get. It's a very different dynamic now. Check back in with them as they're diving down deep into their play, and just sit beside them 10, 15 minutes or so, five minutes, doesn't matter, whatever, whatever works, and sit beside them and say, how far did you get? Well, I got this done, and I got that, and I got, you know, that thing that I was going, I'll tell you all about it.
Now that means that they're coming up, you know, for air, and not only are they coming up for air from that deep, creative, big imagination, they're talking to you, that you're with them, they're engaging with you now, and not just the imagination, but it's a little bit of both, and you can say, oh gosh, so that is going to take a little bit more building, isn't it? Let's say it's a young, let's say it's an eight-year-old constructing things out of shoeboxes, or whatever, you know, and that's, okay, let's make sure we put that on the project board, and you remember I've talked about project boards before in these podcasts. I love project boards, because it means not everything needs to be packed up. Let's put that on the project board, and then at lunchtime, which is coming up soon, we can make some more plans about how we can build that ramp for the bigger trucks to get up.
Let's talk about that. So the transition now becomes knitted, woven in to the imagination, so that when you're sitting having the child thinks, okay, at lunch, my mom, my dad is going to, my grandparent, guardian, is going to talk to me about my imagination. So you're flowing with the imagination, rather than having them have the feeling of cutting off their creativity, and then as you're leading them to the counter to have their lunch, and just using this as an example, you're saying, now, how are you going to get the trucks up that ramp? Will you have to make a bigger, like a bigger opening? Does there need to be a bigger garage door? Huh, I wonder if we can, and you're just chatting away with them about their imagination, their project is on the project board, if it's the kind of thing that lends itself to that, that they can come back to, and the board can be picked up and put out the way, because you need to use the counter, let's say, but you're chatting with them about their imagination.
Now, you're going with their talent, with their beautiful, big imagination. Now, you're going with them, rather than cutting across them. And most kids, when you enter into their big imaginative world, and actually use that as a ramp into what you need to do, if it's a car journey coming up, it might be you're chatting all about what they were doing, building their tree fort, or if it's an older kid, all about what they're, like a 12, 13 year old, all about what they're planning to do this weekend with it, whatever it is, you're using the imagination, and you're meeting and moving, you're meeting the big imagination, and you're moving together, you're meeting and moving with the imagination, and many parents I've spoken with over the years have used this as a help to moving kids through the day, rather than having to face that explosiveness, or frustration, or challenging behavior, when kids just won't do it, or they'll say, yeah, just in a minute, in a minute, and they won't even be rude, or fresh about it, but it's troublesome to them, and in this way, you can have that feeling of, I'm going with, and I'm cultivating even more, my child's big, beautiful talent for imagination.
Okay, that's it for today. I sure hope that's helpful. Bye-bye.
