Welcome back to the Simplicity Diaries with me, Kim John Payne. I wanted to talk a little bit in this episode about chores or what I prefer to call home care or caring for the home, right? So it's a term change and it's a way of thinking change as well. So what are five ways to turn boring jobs into really connecting home care? Home care that connects you with the child.
So when you're caring for the home, the first thing to bear in mind is do it with them. You know, if right from the earliest age you can be, if you're sweeping the floor, there's a little broom and a big broom and you're sweeping it with them and they hold the dust pan and you sweep it in and all the while you're just chatting on about things. So that's the first thing is even with older kids, do it with them, with a 12, 13 year old, even though they should be perfectly capable of doing it and they probably are.
But the key to it, I find, is to make it connecting, to make it warm, to make it about us, to make we are caring for our home and to have that kind of energy around it, that whole thing, that feel of what's going on. Even though they absolutely can put the trash out, walk out with them, you know, do it with them, share the task a little bit. Okay, that's the first thing.
Number two is to make it fun or at least lighthearted. So be chatting away, be telling them, like I was mentioning last week in the podcast, some I remember when stories. Be in levity so that the task doesn't go into gravity and they're heavy and they're dragging themselves or doing it like and they're doing the minimum and I'm finished and it's not even close to being finished.
If you're doing it with them, number one, and you're making it lighthearted, number two, what you're achieving is a kind of a something for a child that they almost look forward to. And when you're doing it with them, you're showing them how to do it properly, even though you showed them many, many times. You're reinforcing, perhaps, is a better way of putting it.
The third step is calibration. Calibrate the task so that it's not too hard, not too easy. I remember back when I was studying educational psychology and I came across a guy called Leon Vygotsky, I believe, and he had this thing called Zone of Proximal Development, ZPD.
It was ever such a simple principle, but obviously it stayed with me to this day, that the ZPD, Zone of Proximal Development, has got to do with making a child learn when they're stretched a little bit, but not too far so it becomes too much of a stretch and not too little a stretch so that it's boring and that can easily be done. Now with home care or chores, we can do that all the time. We can say, okay, we're going to do just this thing and we're going to do, and this is, by the way, involved in ZPD, is one task at a time, not setting too many tasks.
But first of all, like with home care, if it's a cleaning job or cleaning up your room, first we're going to, we, you'll notice, first we're going to, that's right, we always do the pick up of clothes first. You pick up over in that corner, I'll pick up over here, we'll do pick up. Let's bring the laundry basket into the middle and let's throw some hoops.
I'm not making that up. We used to do that with my kids. We'd throw hoops and we'd throw the clothes, roll them up and throw them into the basket like a basketball.
But anyway, but the, you know, one at a time. So we've done that. Okay, next comes, next comes.
Some parents have even gone so far as to have little checklists because some kids like them. Some kids really like doing that. So that ZPD principle, make it, make it stretchable, but not too hard, not too easy.
And one thing at a time. The fourth one is the same task with the same tools at the same time every week. This one is a, some parents have said to me, this is, you know, different things help different kids, but a lot of parents have said to me, this is one that actually cracked the code because it just, that's what we do.
And you get them into a slip stream, same task. There it is. We're, we're polishing the, like we're dusting.
That's your duster. This is my duster. Okay.
Ready? Go. You're doing up there. I'm doing here or whatever it is.
That's your broom. This is my broom. Okay.
That we're folding clothes. That's your laundry basket. This is my laundry basket, or this is our laundry basket, but we're sitting right down in exactly the same place every week.
And we're doing exactly the same thing. If it's outdoor home care, that's, that's, that's your shovel. This is my shovel.
We're going to, we're going to, or that's your hoe. This is my hoe. And we're going to be hoeing the vegetable garden.
And we do it at, you know, Saturday morning, 11 o'clock, give or take. I don't mean to be absolutely rigid about it. That'd be silly.
But it's the more you can make this rhythmical, predictable, and you preview it the night before. All right. So you think you say, okay, tomorrow morning, Saturday morning, we know that's room tidy uptime.
And remember, we're going to, and we're going to do this, this. And then after that, we're going to. So that the preview, you're not, it's not like, it's amazing, a child will think, I didn't know we were doing this.
And I want, and it's like, oh man, you know, we've been doing this for a year at this time. But that'll still happen. But less, less so if you preview.
Now the fifth and last piece is insist. No, no negotiation, no conversation. No, it's just like, I know, I know this is hard love, but this is what we're going to do.
I know, I know. You wanted to go outside and we can, but this is going to be first. I know.
It's hard. I know. Often kids, and even some of them have sheepishly or wickedly admitted it to me that they draw their parents into arguments in order to get out of doing stuff.
And I wish I'd only been told that once or twice. I must have been told that dozens and dozens of times. In a school setting, I've been told that kids will draw their teacher into arguments so they don't have to do their Spanish lesson, their whatever it is.
And they, and at home, pretty much the same. Kids have just said to me straight up, you know, we, this was all about, this was all about getting out of stuff. For us, we don't have to be cold and steely, but we can be like a broken record.
Just flatline it. Just flatline. You know, no, I know this is hard, but this is what we're going to do.
Yeah. Yeah. I know.
We do it like this every week, love. I know. I know you don't want to.
I know. But we're going to do it. Okay.
Yeah. Yep. Yep.
We're going to do it. We, we, we, we did fine last week. We're going to do it and just stay positive.
But don't get drawn into negotiation. Well, I'll do this. If, and then you've got to, and like, I know I'm like, why should I? And then you're thinking, why should you? Am I, am I raising an entitlement monster? Like it's your stuff on the floor.
Like I'm not your butler. And it's like, you know, sometimes we feel like the butler. Right.
But it's really important not to get drawn into all that stuff. So these are, these are the five simple little steps. Again, just to round off is, is do it with them.
Make it light. You know, little stories, little jokes. Just keep it light.
Keep your voice light. Calibrate the task. Not too hard, not too easy.
And just one thing at a time. And then the same, same task. The same home care task at the same time every week, as give or take.
And then insist. Don't get drawn into negotiation. Oh, so much more could be said on this theme.
But I hope that's helpful. And yeah, thanks for tuning in. Bye bye for now.
