Welcome back to the Simplicity Diaries with me, Kim John Payne. Today I wanted to share some ideas about rhythm and particularly if rhythms change, like we all try to, you know, stick with rhythms as much as we can. If you're listening to this podcast, you'll know how important I think rhythms are, but probably you share that picture as well.
But, you know, life gets in the way sometimes. And so what can we do if rhythms change, if something comes up? And I wanted to particularly focus in on previewing and agency, having a child feel that they have some sort of role in the rhythm, so that the rhythm isn't just being done to them. You know, the family rhythm, they're not just having something foisted upon them, but they're a part of it.
Now, I'll give an example, like if, okay, so in a two-parent home, all right, so if one parent is going to be unable to put the children to bed, let's say, and they normally do that, and a child is really used to that. They're used to their bath time, and then bedtime being handled by one of the caregivers, one of the parents. What we can do is get out ahead of it a little bit, and at lunchtime, or even at dinner, but usually, you know, breakfast or lunch, a little bit earlier, like dial it back a little bit, and say, you know what, tonight, Daddy will be putting you to bed, and doing your bath time and bedtime.
And the child sort of takes that in, if it's, you know, it's a young child, they'll be taking that in. Hmm, that's different. And you can show them just how everything goes, because you know how it goes, don't you? Now, this relates to the micro rhythms, right? In other episodes, you might remember, we talked about the macro rhythms, that's the big on the clock, like when things happen, give or take, each day at that same time.
This is the beauty of micro rhythms, though, because a micro rhythm is these little stepping stones, it's the connective tissue. If you haven't heard the episode, a couple of them actually, on that, have a look back through the catalogue, you'll see them, but essentially, it's the little, you know, like here's where we put our towel, here's the bath we run, here's your face cloth, here's that when you get out, that's where your towel goes, and then, and this is where your toothbrush is, and you'll find it there, and we put it back, and then, and then, it's the little and then rhythms, actually. So one of the really big payoffs of those little micro, those little and then rhythms, is that when you need, if you're the holder of that little micro rhythm, and you need to do something else, let's just say you're in the house, but you've got a bunch of work stuff that has come up, you know, you just, it gives you the wiggle room to be able to hand that rhythm, that sort of bedtime, bath time, meal time, whatever it is, it gives you that ability to hand it off, because a child knows just how it goes, I mean, they're really in a slipstream of this.
Kids love this, almost universally, because they know what's coming next, right? And then they picture it, and it comes true. They picture it, and it comes true again. You know, it's almost like the world is safe, I know how to navigate this world.
Well, when we've got a bunch of emails we've got to do, big, big work presentation we've got to go repair for, or we're going out the house, whatever it is, this is the beauty, because it gives you that flexibility. Now, you can then, okay, so the other parent takes over, the other mom or dad, whoever it is, takes over, and says to a child, well, now can you show me just how this all goes? And, you know, it's so lovely to see a child say, you know, yes, I can, and there's this little feeling of agency. And then they can rattle it off and tell you all about it, you know, with a real sense of, you know, I'm taking part in my little life, you know, and even if they're, you know, older, 8, 9, 10, it's still the same, your voicing of it is different, right? Of course, you don't be condescending, but that's this having a child take part in, okay, we're going to do it this, and then this, and then this.
Even down to little things like, this is where we got to in the story, and then you can say as the other caregiver or parent, or, you know, to say, well, can you tell me what's been happening in the story? Yes, what's been happening is, okay, so there's all this when you're handing off in a two-parent home to another parent. Now, exactly the same thing is true if you have babysitters, right? It's another really big, you can, big benefit, you can write this out, you know, what the steps are so that the babysitter or the extended family member, grandma, grandpa, but it just makes, it makes, you know, a, like, for example, a grand, a grandmother coming over to, let's stay with the example of bath time and bedtime, it makes them much more likely to feel good about doing it and say yes, because they, they've done it before, and they know the child or the children just are competent and capable and will help them and know the drill. And the added benefit of that then is that grandpa or grandma or the babysitter sort of don't do anything weird, you know, just, you know, that you're going to have to pick up the pieces for later on.
So the, the, there's benefits every which way round to having these little micro rhythms on one hand, and then the other is the, is the, and I think it's a major benefit, is that a child then has a sense of agency. Obviously, there's a little end note here. There are some parents who have just really enjoyed saying to a child, well, tonight, let's see if you know what comes next.
And a child will feel, you know, when they've, when that that said to them, yes, I know, I know just what comes next. And they're not, well, what comes next now? What's now? Well, now we do toothbrushes, but before toothbrushes, we have to bring the stools over so we can reach the sink. Okay, you knew just what to do, didn't you? Yes.
And now, and you can have them self navigate right through the evening and it's, it's a beautiful thing to see how proud they are that they can do that. Okay, so if rhythms change, and helping a child, the micro rhythms, helping a child have that sense of agency with their lives. Hope that helps.
