(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
Hello and welcome back to the Simplicity Diaries with me, Kim John Payne. So glad you could join us again this week and make this small little window available. So this week we're going to be talking about this vexed question of music practice for kids.
But before that, I just want to let you know that over on the Simple Family Living site, there will be three other podcasts this month. One will be talking about transitions and how to help kids make much better transitions using the power of picture thinking. A very specific way to have children transition in a better way and not go into that refusal so often.
There'll be another podcast this month on regression and helplessness, you know, when children say, no, you do it, I'm a baby and have that sort of, you know, frustrating helplessness. And the third episode, we'll be talking to teenagers about, and tween ages, about how to have balance in life, how to bring better balance and and help them along the way with that. So that's those three transitions, regressions, and teenagers will be over at the Simple Family Living site.
There's a link right below to click on, you can hear them over there. But this week here, we're going to, as I mentioned, talk about music practice. Boy, this is a theme that many parents bump into if your children have music practice in their lives.
I think also the same thing goes for homework, as well, how to help kids do these difficult things like music, homework. And you know, they're coming up, you know, every day, they're gonna they're gonna pretty much roll around in one way or another. And and how to help kids with this.
I think of it as as a three part process. Very simple, very organic, no big deal. It's sometimes called the grit sandwich, isn't it? You may have heard of that the grit sandwich where you have the bread on one side, which is soft, then you have the grit, you have the meat in the middle.
And then you have soft on the other side. So soft, firm, soft. And this can be used when when you're doing those things that are pretty regular, like music practice, like homework.
And that is to start off with, with this with this principle of of connect before you direct, meet before you move. And so when you know that music practice or homework is coming up, move in a little closer, establish a connection with a child, you might play a little game, you know, of some sort, you might just watch them, if they're younger, you know, building or doing their project or whatever. But but moving close to them, moving close to their world a little bit, and and just share that moment with them doesn't need to take long.
But but it's a shared moment of play, or connection, or a game of some sort that has you that has you, you know, connecting. And it's not, I would add here, if you do have play or a game, that it's not wildly exuberant, you know, like, because if you're going to break off, break away from the game and get involved in homework or music practice, then you don't want to make it too much fun. It's just this quiet coming alongside, watching them what they're in doing what they're doing.
Maybe, you know, if they're doing a project, just sit beside them, let them explain what they're doing to you. And so there's this there's this moment of connection, just a couple of minutes really doesn't need to take all that long. And then comes the homework, then comes the practice.
But it's important for, particularly for music practice, I find to make it relatively brief, so that it doesn't go on for an hour or two, you know, that would be painful with, with music practice for most kids, you know, if, of course, if they're concert, you know, cellists, it might be a little bit different. And if they're older, and they're, they're practicing for a big performance, but generally, practices can be timed, you know, and they're this amount of time. Likewise, with homework, I really prefer children to do time based homework rather than content based.
So that again, it's, if they're young, younger, they're in the first, second, third grade, I wish schools wouldn't set homework for the younger grades, and many schools don't. It's a really flawed thing to do. But still, if the school insists on it, there it is.
But for younger ones, up to about nine, it's, you know, 10 or 15 minutes of homework is plenty, you might want to stretch it out if need be, but time based homework is important. Now, time based homework is also really important for tween and teenagers, who will tend to some kids will just be defeated by the amount of the amount of time it's going to take. Or they will obsess about it and be up way late into the night.
In both situations, it's good to set time based homework. And just say, look, do your best. Do your best for half an hour, 45 minutes at most, you know, do your best.
And I will write a note, I've already spoken to the teachers about, we do time based homework in our in our family, we don't do content, we do time, and we we practice and we work hard. But that's what we're doing. Now, if it's a 16, 17 year old, you know, studying for SATs, or, you know, whatever it is for exams, there can be exceptions to this, but then it's it's time based homework, and for about 45 minutes to an hour max, and then take a big break, take a big break, breathe, walk, drink some water, and then come back to it.
But that's, that's, you know, that's not so common in general, for homework, make and for music practice, make it time based. And when that time is done, then that's it. And you still could, for music practice, you still could sit with a child while they're doing their practice.
And you can get your knitting out, you can get a craft project you're working on, you can even read if you want to, I find it better to actually do something with our hands. So they're doing their practice, they're doing their work, they're doing their homework. And we're doing ours, if possible, stay away from phones and laptops.
Because once you go onto a phone, it's almost like you, you, you excarnate, you disappear, you evaporate from a child's life, and they won't sense you're with them anymore. So when they're doing their music practice, some parents find it really good to prepare for the practice. And they'll get their journal out, they'll get their notes for tomorrow's work, they will, you know, do whatever they need to do, but they can, they can be stationary, they can be sitting.
Some parents will set up a little workbench and do some things for their work. So that both, both the child between the teen is doing what they're doing. And the parent is doing what they're doing.
But we're each doing our work, but we're accompanying them. Now, for teenagers with homework, of course, I don't know that we can sit there for hours, you know, with them doing that. But popping in, just doing what we're doing.
And it's now, you know, half an hour has gone by. And we just stop in, don't need to talk very much, we just pick up our project, whatever we're doing, mending some clothes, and just sit there for a minute, and then out we go. So there's just touching in, touching out, touching in, touching out.
It's surprising what a difference this makes to a student, to a child, a teenager, staying on track. So that's the first two stages. One is coming alongside them, and just getting close, connecting.
Then comes the music practice, then comes the homework. And then the third stage, on the other end, is another connection point. Some of parents' favorite connections can be I remember when stories, like, I remember when your grandfather, you know, these I remember when stories, you know, that they're in many of these episodes, aren't they? There could be a story, there could be just something at the other end that's nice, you know, some baking, some working together, going out in the yard, if you have a yard, playing, you know, playing some catch, whatever it is, it might just be simply hanging out with the kitty or with the dog.
But there's something nice, and it's done fairly ritualistically. Some parents will let kids know that at the end of their music practice, they'll be reading the next part of their chapter book that they read together. So it starts off with connecting and observing and just being near play, then to the practice, and at the other end, a story, or some kind of connection.
In this way, what we're doing is that we're establishing not only this grit sandwich principle, but actually through a hard thing like music practice, or homework, we're actually drawing a little bit closer together. Now, in other episodes, we'll talk a little bit, we have talked more about homework, and we'll be talking about that a little bit more in the future, because this is quite a general picture of having having kids do those things that come around very regularly, and how you have a better chance of moving them through it. Okay, now, I want to remind everyone that if you want to speak with me personally, or someone from our Simplicity Parenting team, we have two fabulous Simplicity Parenting coaches along with myself.
So if you would want to speak with us personally about the things that you might need support with at home, don't hesitate to click on the Request a Consult right on the Simplicity Parenting website, and that comes right through to me and our team. Okay, that's it. Hope that was helpful.
Bye for now.
(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
